DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT: I've studied every dark magic book, spilled many sacrificial blood, strengthen my will and resolve, be at the center of major disasters, and yet I cannot summon a demon to my command. It look so easy in SMT games. What am I missing? -UI2.0 - A non-demon summoner

UI2.0: I know dark magic books really try to sell the whole sacrificial blood thing, but this is the 21st century, and summoning demons requires up-to-date rituals. First off, you need a family-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, and a 12-pack of Mountain Dew. Open the cans, and erect a tower on top of a RROD Xbox 360. Make sure not to spill a drop of MD, or the summoning will fail. Now place only unbroken whole chips on top of each can. Say this magical incantation: n00by-pwned, pwny-n00b! Turn on the Xbox 360. You've now summoned the most fearsome demon known by gamers: DORITOR: the DEWinator. Now you can "Do the Dew" of death and destruction with a cool ranch taste!

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