So it's this time of year once again. It's getting colder and the days are shorter. Leaves are absent from trees and the birds migrate in search of warmer climates. Christmas must be just around the corner! With the 1678th iteration being released on the 25th this month I managed to
bribe sweet talk my way to an early review copy. Is it worth your time? Well Ho-ho-hold on to your hats as we find out!
Surely after thousands of sequels we must be getting tired of the whole Christmas thing? Well surprisingly not. This holiday manages to hold up against the greats such as St.Patricks Day and International Respect For Chickens Day. Why is that? Well let's find out.
If it Ain't Broke, Don't Fix it
Christmas is very lucky in the fact that it managed to nail the formula the first time around. I mean, who doesn't want free stuff!? A little known fact is that 99% of planet Earth enjoy free stuff(we don't talk about that other guy...). While most forms of entertainment grow stale and boring after a few sequels, Christmas manages to stay fresh after thousands of years. Maybe it's because we get new presents every year, maybe it's because we love our Christmas feast, or maybe because it's the one day of the year where we we can forget our problems and have a silent night for a change. Who knows? I'm not going to question the formula. Nicolas Cage doesn't question his roles and I don't question Christmas.
The Christmas Feast
The thing that has caused the most fights at Christmas is the food. Who's going to get that last slice of ham, or turkey, or those roast potatoes? We all want them! Christmas dinner is the one time where we get to ignore our goals of becoming fit and healthy and just eat and eat and eat. The food is delicious and the drinks are flowing, what more can we want?
Except brussels sprouts. They suck. If you like them I don't think we can be friends.
Of course I'm going to mention the presents! You know you shouldn't get them but they're just too good to resist. You've spent the past few months dropping hints of what you want to your parents, your siblings, your friends or your significant other and then suddenly you wake up on the 25th of December to see that brand new Wii U, or iPhone, or toaster that you've always wanted. There's very few better feelings. I bet you won't get that feeling on Name Your Car Day!
I love Christmas movies. They can be fun, sad, full of puppets or drunk Santas. I love them. We have great ones such as Scrooged, The Santa Clause, Elf, It's a Wonderful Life and of course, Rocky IV. The only problem with them is that I can't watch them whenever I want. I'll watch Elf in the middle of July if I damn well please!
Socks are useful, but if I needed a pair I'd rather buy them myself. You see, I prefer brightly coloured socks, but my parents usually get me the plain and boring dark colours. How am I supposed to accessorise with them!?
So socks are cool and all, but please, let me buy them. Same goes for boxers.
Christmas music is a mixed bag for me. There are some good songs, but an equal amount of awful ones. For every 'Fairytale of New York' there is a 'Do They Know Its Christmas?'. Most of them are cheesy, overproduced noise that I just can't listen to fully. I'd rather hear the sounds of a monkey scraping it's fingers down a chalkboard.
I'm a huge fan of the longer nights, as I am a vampire after all, and I love the snow. Seeing it float majestically down the sky is one of the more beautiful sights in life. The trouble is, most of the time the weather is just constant rain, which sucks. This isn't good, because the ground will be too wet for the snow to settle, and so it will just melt and the circle of snow will continue. All I ask for is a heat wave in the middle of December to dry up the ground so snow can safely land. Is that so much to ask!?
Only Two Outcomes
Christmas uses a morality system that ultimately falls flat. You can be naughty or nice, and depending on how you play all year you can either get some presents or a lump of coal. The problem with this system is that it seems almost impossible to become naughty, as no matter how hard I tried, I never received a lump of coal.
I'm starting to think this Santa guy isn't even real...
I just don't see the point. Why would I buy a sweater that I will only wear for one day a year? They're also really ugly. They look like an elf threw up on to a sweater after the Christmas work party.
I do have one, but that's not the point. I didn't buy it! I didn't ask for this!
It's starting become near impossible to buy gifts now. What do I buy for my mother who has everything she wants? What do I buy for my father who doesn't like anything? It's a slow and arduous process and I'm beginning to become more and more attracted to just staying at home and shopping online. The large crowds and the short supplies of gifts make Christmas shopping and overall awful experience.
People Have Forgotten The True Meaning of Christmas
Christmas is a time where everyone should be together and not alone. It's a time for forgiveness and it's a time to sit around the fire and watch the original Star Wars trilogy(the prequels if you've been naughty...). Too many times have I seen people get angry over a present and that annoys me.
No I'm not going to get all "praise Jesus!"-y on you, I'm just making an observation. I like to be serious sometimes!
Yes the gifts are great, but if it's something I don't want, should I whinge about it? Of course not. If someone has spent the time to go out of their way to get you something, it shows that they care for you and that should be a gift in itself.
Overall, Christmas is a fun experience that manages to stay fresh after thousands of years or remakes and re-releases. The graphics are great, the gameplay is fun and it's an experience that only comes around once a year, so why not pour some mulled wine, light the fire and watch some movies with your family?