Welcome to ConsulTAYtion, the community advice column where each week a different denizen of TAY will facepunch your most pressing life questions with a fistful of wisdom.
This week's guest columnist: General McFist
If you're playing a multiplayer game and you're the obvious weak link do you have an obligation to leave if/when your teammates start getting annoyed with you? I like to play multiplayer shooters but I know I'm not great at them; it's usually fun for me to play anyway but I just want to slink away and die when I get called out by a teammate, especially if it's during what is supposed to be a just-for-fun friendly match.
The last thing you should ever do when you play a game is be concerned with the rambling thoughts of internet people. What you need only concentrate on is having fun. Fun is the most imperative part of gaming, and most of us will stop playing and spending time with a title when it no longer is. But the one thing that you should never condone is allowing yourself and/or others to stop you from enjoying a gaming experience merely based on your skill level. With many gamers it takes practice to get great at a game; time and dedication to that title is how they gain their ability while some are immediately skillful at it. With others the ability to be as much an expert as their counterparts within the game never comes; however that should not deter them from enjoying it. If they have fun, if *you* have fun, regardless of skill, then that is all that matters and fie to everyone else. It is not your responsibility to ensure others are having as much fun as you – that is on each individual currently playing. They are accountable for their own happiness, their own fun, thus if they can't cope with someone whom they see as a burden they need only to leave the match as it is plainly obvious they are most likely not having fun.
This applies to any gaming session regardless of whether it's competitive or just-for-fun. If they deem it necessary to berate someone in a casual match then perhaps they should just stick with the people they play with on a consistent basis, as it appears obvious that they will not have fun with anyone else and will try to belittle those who are enjoying themselves.
But if they won't leave and continue to harass you because they are infinitely petty, all you merely need do is mute them, report them for their behavior and be done with them forever. This is the heartiest 'fuck-off' you can deliver, because "nanny-nanny-boo-boo, I can't hear you!"
Say - hypothetically - you have a long history of depression, a history that you don't really like to talk about with anyone. If you're entering into a relationship with someone (romantic or close friendship) do you have an obligation to say something? I know you don't have to say anything if you don't want to but do you feel like if someone's going to be a long-term part of your life they deserve to know?
I have a history with depression, and up until recently I have tried to keep people in the dark about it as it was not one of the highlights in my life thus far. So I understand full-well never wanting to talk about it, even with family – it was one of the toughest parts of my life, and your bout with it may well have been the toughest part of yours as well. In the end, however, I did decide to be open about it. I believed it was time to start regaling people with my story, going so far as to express my experience with it in an article here on TAY describing how gaming was one of the reasons I am alive and able to answer this query.
Firstly - and I may be preaching to the converted here - I need to iterate to you, maybe even reiterate if you have heard this before, that depression and any kind of suicidal tendencies or thoughts you may have had are absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Never let yourself believe that, nor let anyone tell you differently, especially if they have no knowledge of what it feels like to be trapped inside your own head. That experience is as much a part of you as your heart, your mind, your skin. It helps to shape you into the person you are and will become, serving not only as a means to help you enlighten people who have had a similar happening (because in my own experience, they want to know they aren't alone) but as a constant reminder that your life is sacred and worth living. And it's one worth living with someone.
So when you want to bring someone into your life, one that will be with you long-term, it's important to understand that you don't necessarily have any obligation to tell them about your battle with depression as you went through this before they became a mainstay in your life, maybe before you knew them.
However (because saying something like that will never come without a large 'buuuut') if they mean a lot to you, and you to them, it is vital that you show it through a meaningful act of trust. Do you trust them to listen to you about this? Do you trust them to stay with you regardless of your past? Do you want them to know everything about you? Do you see yourself falling in love with them?
If you do, then you should tell them all the things you don't want anyone else to know because *that* is how much they mean to you. They won't shame you. They won't leave you. They will be sad for you. They will be happy for you, to you, because they *want* to know these things. They want to know about you, the dirty bits, even the embarrassing parts — especially the embarrassing parts! Because laughing is awesome!
And there comes a point where they deserve to know. But it all depends on you. When you are ready to talk about your life to them, then use that time to tell them. You can even lead up to this part. Tell them that you went through something in your life that you aren't quite ready to talk about just yet, but inform them they are the reason you want to talk about it and when the time comes they will be the first to know.
Essentially you have no obligation to talk about your past, but if it comes up and you feel the urge to converse about it tell the people in your life that deserve to know. In the end, if you are never ready to talk about it then you never have to. Just remember that there are people who care about you, people who want to know all the things about you, and people who will be with you no matter what.
When is it okay to drop truth-bombs on internet strangers? Like if there was a person who was always posting about the same personal problems but seemed completely unwilling to take any responsibility for their own situation how would you go about breaking it down for them? I would normally just roll my eyes and scroll on but they keep asking the community for advice and at this point I'm just dying to tell them what I really think.
Well then. I'm pretty sure I'm not telling any tales outta school when it comes to this, but I happen to have a pretty lengthy history of being unafraid to challenge and call people, and things, out on stuff that I absolutely do not agree with. I'm almost positive this has become what I am most known for by 94% of the TAY community. I am, essentially, a no-bullshit type of person and because of this I will openly speak my mind regardless of the interactions myself and others might have because of my extreme opinion on things.
When it comes to advice though, I am all about giving it, so much so I should probably change my name to General McWisdom.
That being said, if someone is unwilling to attempt to change their situation and would much rather allow it to play out around them, continually ask the community for advice about how to make things better and then complain about their lives incessantly - though they are doing as little work as possible to make any kind of positive improvement - then I take serious issue with it. They're not just wasting their life and their time but are also squandering the thought, effort, and time of those who are trying to help them.
When you ask for advice you aren't just simply listening to someone uncrumple a part of their past, brush it off, and pass it off as something new. Instead you are stating that you are going to consider their words, their nostalgia if you will, and be willing to heed what information they give you because you want to change your life and need a little help getting back on the right path. And when you do this — seek advice, make no change in your life, and complain, stating you need more advice — you are essentially begging to be noticed by someone, anyone. Asking for advice should never be considered a means to simply draw attention to yourself, and to do so preys upon people's compassion; it makes you vile and does a great disservice to those who willingly spend their time wanting to help you.
At this point giving advice to the person in question would be an act of futility, essentially a verbal act of pissing against the wind. It is plainly obvious that this person has no interest in bettering themselves or their situation, and I would advise all of you here who know someone like this to simply ignore their pleas, as anything you do will fall upon deaf ears until they become the change they want to see.
And if some of you here are like that then I will simply end with this: quit begging for attention and get your fucking act together.
White chocolate: disgusting right?
Who are you to hurl such a slanderous statement, disguised as rhetorical question, out to the public?! White chocolate is a national treasure, who has served countless tours of battle with me. I will never forget the time white chocolate and I were trapped in a vicious battle against a nation of soldiers, in a war we supposedly lost.
We were out minding our own business, delivering death and carnage to people who deserved it – by not deserving it at all. At one point we came across a village whose people were made of straw and wicker baskets – a bold strategy to use against someone who can cook food with his war-cries. White chocolate muttered something under his wrapper, something about this not feeling right, but I brushed it off as him being worriedly tasty for no reason. Suddenly, from the trees, because Charlie was in them, the Cong swooped down upon us – the Viet Cong. They surrounded us and began yelling something in foreign sounds. Immediately white chocolate and I attempted to talk our way out of this by using what we had learned of their language against them –
"Rice paddies. Kung Lao. Vietnam noises?"
We used everything in our vast repertoire of communicating with other peoples, yet all we had at our disposal was not proving enough to sway them to stay their hands. One cheeky Charlie became bold, callously shaking a rifle in my face and yelling some kind of something I didn't understand, and I felt insulted.
"That is the most Tet Offensive thing I've ever heard."
Immediately they began cheering as if something positive happened for them regarding that, and white chocolate used this distraction to deftly slide inside of me as to hide itself from sight. Do you know how much energy it took to naturally lube up my butt-biceps to allow him safe passage into my me-ness? None.
As their brief celebration began to subside a look of befuddlement appeared upon their countenances. It was as if they noticed that white chocolate went missing. They began yelling at me, and with some scouring the area the perfect time to strike presented itself and white chocolate burst from my hind-muscles and straight into a soldier's mouth.
I vomited instantly.
The soldier writhed on the ground, being mercilessly strangled to death — from the inside. I dove onto the ground, tearing off my own legs in mid-air and began to beat everything within my reach to death with them – the amount of pain I thrust myself into was incredible.
The soldier white chocolate was viciously murdering to death finally succumbed and white chocolate leapt from his mouth, victorious in his struggle to rid our foe of his life. Immediately white chocolate found itself surrounded, I think – I can't remember that well, I was losing a lot of blood and it took to the sky and delivered the most vicious punches I had ever witnessed. It was a chocolate rain – of murder-lust. Some stayed dry … but others felt the pain.
Sometime during this I think I slipped my arms inside my legs and started walking around on them to freak everybody out.
As quickly as the battle began, it was still going on. I began setting the straw villagers on fire and arm-kicking them at our foes with terrible precision. I'm positive the forest fires I started lasted for weeks. Finally, through a mix of white chocolate's combat effectiveness and my ability to decimate enemy moral by tossing a dead soldier on my leg-stubs and reenacting scenes from Driving Miss Daisy, we annihilated the troops, leaving one alive so he could live with it because what's a war without a little survivor's guilt?
Point is, white chocolate and I are the best of comrades, we're brothers in arms and he is the tastiest sumbitch this side of the Miss'ippi!