NEW MASS EFFECT?!? NEW MASS EFFECT. Imma have to bake these feels out:

INGREDIENTS:

1 1/4 cup flour

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp cardamom

2 sticks butter, softened

3/4 cup sugar

3/4 cup packed brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

3 cups “old fashioned” oats

1 package butterscotch chips

1+ bottles local shiraz

+1 E3 hype

PROCEDURE:

1. Combine baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and cardamom in a bowl. Consume as much red wine as you like (whatever *feels* right).

2. Beat butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Gradually add dry mix.

3. Stir in oats and butterscotch chips.

4. Drop by rounded spoonful onto baking sheet lined with parchment paper; bake 9-10 minutes.

6. Realize that your definition of “rounded spoonfuls” is 100% TOO MUCH.

7. Chill. Take a hot second to watch “Beautiful Creatures” on SyFy. You’re tipsy and befuddled but whatever - WE SHALL PRESS ON.

8. Cool cookies on a cooling rack. Admire your work.

9. The SUGAR HIGH is not nearly as potent as the E3 HIGH of a new Mass Effect game, but we make do.

10. Cool and then display on a fancy crystal pedestal.

11. YOU DID IT!! Now just sit tight for the next 1.5 years - you can do that, right?

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Nicole T (street name: Barkspawn) is a gamer and writer in California. You can find her on Twitter@ser_barkspawn and read more of her articles here.

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