DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT: My parents and school teachers and other trusted adults always told me I should never eat food and drinks and stuff that are on the ground or on dead corpses. My friends say that floor food is actually really good for you and can make you stronger. Who do I listen to?- JOSAY

DEAR JOSAY: Kids who eat food and drinks off of dead corpses are at a high risk for being stronger, according to a new study done by Raccoon City Community College. Researchers observed and rated 203 children who regularly ate food off of dead corpses and compared them to a control group. Results showed children who ate food off of dead corpses looked, "pretty buff", and "kinda ripped". In contrast, the control group appeared as "not really that strong", and "sorta wimpy". When asked their thoughts on parents, teachers, and trusted adults, researchers rated them as, "probably evil to their very core". Eat and drink your way to a stronger you right off those corpses, but don't listen to parents, teachers, or trusted adults because they are the Devil!

Sponsored by the Umbrella Corporation.


DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT is a non-syndicated joke that provides commonly uncommon common sense advice about video games from a youthful perspective. Track my Twitter behavior on Twitter @marshnaylor

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