Darth Sion was a sith lord, featured in Obsidian entertainment’s video game, Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords. He went into battle against Jedi after Jedi with a death wish, but always bested his foe. He became convinced that he could not be killed. That was until the day came when he was finally struck down. But instead of dying, all his anger and hatred held him together using the dark side of the force and he destroyed his opponent. From that point on, no matter how many times he was struck down, his anger and hatred would allow him to rise again and again until he eventually kills his adversary. The consequence of this process however is that he remains in a decomposing body, in constant, excruciating pain.

I play some online competitive games from time to time. For some time now my choice of poison has been Battlefield 4. My skills are about average; checking battlelog, I currently hold a kill/death ratio of 1.58. I prefer to play the objective and have my team win as opposed to having a nice K/D but lose the match. Unfortunately my teammates tend to not share this opinion. However, looking at my stats I see that my wins/losses is standing at exactly 50%.

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It used to be that if I go long periods where I am personally playing very well, and all of a sudden I start performing badly, I may not take it so well. This is where the comparison to Darth Sion begins. I launch a game of Battlefield 4 expecting a healthy amount of death to follow my kills. Instead I am the one who is marked as a high value target by the enemy commander. I think myself invincible, until the moment comes where I am struck down over and over again in “strange” ways.

I start getting shot from behind over and over again. I can’t fly a plane for more than 2 seconds before I’m shot down by the enemy anti air tank. I’m sniped by an individual and his 40x magnification scope, while he enjoys tea and crumpets from his team’s spawn point. A jet crashes into me after a player uses it as quick transportation. Some, if not all of them, may take the time to emulate the act of inserting testicles into my character’s now gaping death maw.

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At this point I am not enjoying myself, and logically if I am not having fun, then the appropriate response would be to stop playing and just say: “I’m having an off day.” Instead it is my anger that makes me respawn and pursuit vengeance. In one instance, it was a scout helicopter pilot and his repair torch cronies that were arousing my ire. It was my SMAW rocket that finally brought them down; alone in my room a loud “Bitch!” rang out.

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Having a one track mind however, not unlike Sion, has it’s consequences. The pain remains, because even though I received the satisfaction of destroying my nemesis, more often than not, it took me suffering through many deaths and the loss of the match.

I don’t think that I am alone in feeling this way. I’m normally quite a calm individual, but if I go into things with an expectation of success and I fall short, the experience can crush me. I started working a full time job recently, so my play time has decreased quite substantially. But even if I do choose to invest some time into an online game during the weekend, I tend to go into it without expectations. Even if I do and I play badly, I can easily blame it on me no longer playing as often as I used to.

Something popped into my head as I wrote this, and I guess this is a good a place as any to try and discuss it. Darth Sion kept himself together with the dark side of the force. What would be his opposite? Can immortality be achieved with the light side of the force? Force ghosts don’t count, the force user has to remain physical. Since it was Sion’s anger and hatred that kept him going, could a light side user’s love and compassion hold them together? Perhaps they are struck down while trying to defend someone, but the compassion they have for their fellow man is so great that the light side holds them together so that they can save them.

Papito Qinn, winner of the 2016 SpookTAYcular Scary Story Contest, currently employed here, twitter incompetent, and... something else.