This January: It's time for one special adventure. Equip your newly acquired grass sword and grab a friend. It's time to venture through the distant land of ice, snow and the Golden Arches. I made the journey this weekend where I tussled with a magician. Along the way, I stopped by a Tree House and it's there I played video games, and wished for a perfect sandwich.

What I got instead, upon my arrival, was a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger, a chocolate milk, some apple slices and a tiny (but adequately sized) portion of french fries. The french fries were cold. The apple slices tasted as though they were turning sour but that was just slightly. Or maybe those were the chemicals? Whatever it was, I suspect they were not apples of the supreme apple race: Tree Trunks' Orchard. I mean, Golden Delicious…

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Flip what the zip am I going on about? This right here is a special edition of the SnackTAYku Gil Toss you never knew you wanted!

Well, maybe you wanted it. Maybe you did not. It's far too late for me to turn back now. For those in the know, McDonalds is now featuring some fairly mathematical Adventure Time toys as part of its Happy Meal deal. Adventure Time loving friends, this is the moment we've all been waiting for! Except… There's a serious lack of Lumpy Space Princess, Princess Bubblegum, Marceline the Vampire Queen, Lemongrab, Pep But, Gunter and His Lord of Evil - Hunson Abadeer.

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Oh, alright. The Land of Ooo is so wonderful and extensive that it would be hard to include everyone's favourites.

But that's no excuse for what transpired in that extremely horrid decision to not include the wonderful, strong-willed and insanely important female characters of Ooo. Because god forbid a "boy toy" should have a female character in the group, right? That's decidedly not algebraic and it's an atrocious issue that deserves the negative attention it has received.

Leaving that marred decision by whoever was in charge of Marketing aside for the moment; I wanted to talk about the line of toys themselves. At the very least, what I got in my Happy Meal.

I am aware that I can buy the toys as separate entities without having to purchase an actual Happy Meal. But then I looked at the box and ooo (pun unintentionally intended)! Just look at that box! It's got Finn, Jake, those girls that marketing decided no boys would want to own as part of their collection, and a bunch of other (random) Candy Kingdom characters I don't even remember. These characters are also hiding out on the box. Can you find all 13 characters? We all know it should be 14 but that snail is just such an expert at hiding. Curse him.

My McDonalds had only the Ice King and BMO.

Here's the loveable, angry looking Simon as the Ice King with his special ability at shooting ice blasts as he flies through the air. Note: The flying through the air bit is all left to your very own devices and flying imagination capabilities. How high you want to take your hands or in what direction is all up to you. Just remember to keep it tight.

Then there's BMO. BMO comes with a lenticular print for a face. His expressions range from happy, to happier and a very sly wink. Well, hey gurl, heeeey. There's nothing on his face that betrays the fact that BMO is a bit...wildly imaginative. No sign of Football here.

Overall, the figures are amazing if only for the fact Adventure Time has found a place as part of the fast food chain giant. It further cements just how far this show has come in pop culture, as if that should even be a surprise at this point.

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In just looking at them as figures, they serve their plastic purpose as Happy Meal toys. Their actions are fairly limited but kinda-sorta, accurately depict the sort of often ridiculous personalities that the Ice King and BMO have without obviously, going into depth into the show's lore. Truthfully, the Ice King toy is fine as is. It's exactly the sort of behaviour he would and does often display. Yeah, they're only pieces of plastic that probably cost next to nothing to make. What more can one expect? A functioning, simple video game version BMO and a drum playing Ice King dueting with Marceline?! Oh. Snap. That would have been pretty cool, actually.

Ah but reality has sunk in once more. That's never going to happen because that would require a Marceline figure and we don't want girls in our toy lines.

Does that sound sour like them apples?! It should!

What else is there to say? Oh yeah! And uhhh, since this is a fake SnackTAYku, the burger tasted as you would expect and probably have already tasted. It was much like a salty, mysteriously thin piece of beef coated in mustard, ketchup, onions - which never really taste powerful and thus I ignore - with a sorry excuse of a surprise in the form of a pickle lurking in its depths. The fries, as I stated, were cold by the time I ate them which was entirely my fault. The chocolate milk was way too sugary. And I have lived to tell the tale of the apples.

The extreme close up you definitely never wanted.

So, what time is it now? Time to go looking for Finn and Jake, of course! I guess the two versions of Finn and Jake were off donking around somewhere else. Perhaps they will turn up next week or I will go looking for them at another establishment in the near future. For now, maybe I'll go with chicken nuggets next time I go adventuring, or just buy the toys separately if I can find them.

Yeah, that seems like a plan that would have me win again.

Like always.

  • The fast food chain that is TAY Classic is open 24/7. It's there you can talk about life, video games and anything else you may desire. If you'd like to place your order and start a discussion of your own, make relevant tags but be sure to include "tay classic" as one of them. You could also join in discussions too! It's all up to you! If you had any questions on what's on the dollar menu of how TAY works, please read the tutorial for TAY for any questions you may have. That'll be $2.89.