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There are a few great evils in this world, TAY. You already know of some of them—things like Toads, Walmart parking lots, people who hate burgers, just to name a few. These great evils do nothing but cause torment and anguish wherever they go. They figuratively scorch and salt the soil of our very souls. But out of all of the great evils, there are none as fiendish or as dastardly as the “new meme.”

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The new meme can strike anywhere at any time. One moment you can be enjoying a nice game of Rocket League with your friends, and the next you suddenly hear “JUST DO IT”—seemingly for no reason, as the bounces the ball off of the wall by the goal. And then there’s nothing—only silence. You assume everyone is stunned by the intensity of the failure you’ve all collectively been forced to witness. But when you open your mouth and begin to conjure up a long string of pejoratives to call your feminine-hygiene-product of a friend, nothing comes out.

At first, you think you’ve gone deaf. Your friend, thinking the joke would be better if they shouted it at the top of their lungs, must have ruptured your eardrums. You reach up, believing the inner mechanisms of your ear must have been liquefied from the explosion of forced humor, but even there, you feel nothing.

“That’s odd,” you think to yourself whilst patting around the circumference of your head, “I could have sworn I used to have ears.” And at that moment, you see a flash out of the corner of your eye. Your head swings around in time to see a pair of fleshy flaps, floundering foward to the nearest door. Immediately, you recognize them as your own—your recently lost ears.

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“Don’t go!” you shout, much louder than intended. You have nothing to gauge the volume of your own voice with now, after all. But your words seem to have fallen on deaf ears. Your ears proceed to the nearest door, open it, and give you one last remorseful look as they close it behind them. And even though you can’t hear the door closing, you can still feel it—the feeling of being abandoned forever. Deep down, you knew that you would never hear from them—or anything else—ever again.

New memes ruin lives. Don’t overdo a new meme.


Years ago, we dicsussed your favorite memes. Now we can discuss your least favorite memes. Or, perhaps, you can just use this to talk about pet peeves. The choice is yours. Just don’t overdo it. It’s still a new topic.

Not interested in the topics above? Well then, feel free to talk about life, love, gaming, or whatever else you desire. The Wednesday Graveyard Shift is now open!

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