Ladies and gentlemen. Hi. You are looking as handsome as ever. No, no, no — Thank you for being as awesome as you are. Today we reveal the winner for the first week of Masculini-TAY! And that winner is—

KAPLOY9!

Congrats are in order for the Kaploy9, as he/she stole my heart with their story. You are The Winner, Kaploy9, so go a spread word to people everywhere, who might have no idea what you are talking about. So great, so wonderful.

Also, thank you to the others who played along. I enjoyed your stories as well!

And now, for your listening enjoyment, here is my voice, and the winning story —

———-I slowly drift back from a dark daze. This powdered clay is apparently not medically-sanctioned, as my wounds are stinging from its coating. Lying on my side, I'm not feeling any vibrations, so I guess that I'm either safe from earthquakes, or I'd just make a sucky stereotypical Native American sidekick. As for all these people lying around me.. What was it about "let sleeping men die"? Or is it "let sleeping dogs lie"? Anyways, pretty sure they're dead. Speaking of dead, I think my horse is somewhere behind me. If I can.. just.. *nngh* ...well, halfway isn't so bad. Perhaps I'll just rest a bit and finish rolling over in a few minutes.

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Ah, the sky. That big ol' blue thing above us all. Glad it's a bit later in the evening, though. I mean, the sun's nice, but not when it's roasting what's left of my eyes. (wait, are they both?.. phew, still there) Y'know, I'm still not really good at it, but I remember, as a kid, looking up at the clouds and trying to find shapes and stuff. A bear.. some flowers.. a grumpy face.. shotgun barrel.. some pie... blueberry pie...

*ch-chk*

Hm? Oh, that's right, there's actually areason for me to be laying on the dirt. This guy, right here. Apparently, he wasn't as interested in the clouds as I was. Shame, it's actually quite relaxing once you start getting int-

"Alright, enough with the internal monologging. That stuff is boring as heck."

"Wait, did I say that all out-loud? Or are you some sort've physic along with being an overall wet towel."

"Doesn't matter, I just aim to win. As in, I win. Now hand it over."

"Now what in gravy goodness could you be talking about? Did I forget to return something of yours? Oh, I bet this was about when you loaned me $2 for a bag of chips. To be honest, for something that small, you didn't have to go to all this trouble of killing my men, my horse, my-mph mmhm hhpm!"

"Would you just shut it already?! Keep talking, and I'll shove this all the way up out your nose, got it? You already know what I want, so give it to me."

*cough cough* "But now, kind sir, we're both gentlemen. We must follow protocol and correctly state our requests and demands."

"But I know you hav!-"

"Ah, rules are rules, y'know."

"But.. uuugh, fine. Either way, I'm getting what I came here for."

General McFist reaches into his trench coat and pulls out his hand. In kind, I retrieve my own humble stack, splayed for this very occasion. His stare is of one who is both entirely confident of their victory, yet really really irritated.

"Do you.. have any any 7's?", asked the general.

My lips, almost concealed by my cards, do their best to not form anything more then a slight curl. "Go fish", I reply. —————

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Next week's prompt, if you didn't listen is for you to make any mundane task epic and brutal! Do battle with a dishwasher. Have a war with your bookcase when reorganizing! Anything you can think of to make a simple task awesome is just what I am looking for!

Looking forward to your stories!