I recently played a game for the first time. I joined a match with some fellow TAYters. It was space marines vs dinosaurs, and I joined the dinosaur team hoping to satiate my primal need to destroy everything as a giant thunder lizard. Instead I spawned as a poodle-sized dinosaur with TNT strapped to it. I tried to move towards where a whopping T-Rex and Triceratops were wrecking a helpless marine only to find my tiny dinosaur ran with the grace and agility of a cruise ship with an open bar. I was wiped out before I could even get close to the marine. I instantly respawned and then self-distrusted seconds later for no clear reason. This was ORION: Dino Beatdown, and it is a beautiful beautiful mess of a game.
Not too long ago I revealed that I get some sick pleasure out of playing bad games. I can sit down and play Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard non-stop until completion, but it takes me nine months to gather the motivation to finish the critically acclaimed The Last of Us. What gives, brain? Why do you like these pieces of trash so much instead of the things I'm supposed to like? Also, stop making me talk to you like you're some other person.