This drink is no joke, people. Shaq Fu may be returning as a videogame in the coming months, but it’s here now as a pineapple flavored beverage.
When I saw this beauty sitting on the shelf of my local Wal-Mart, surrounded by lemonades and teas, I knew it was my honor bound duty to give it a try. For those of you not in the know, Shaq Fu was originally a fighting title that launched for the Super Nintendo, SEGA Genesis, Game Boy, Game Gear and more during the mid ’90s. It received mixed to negative reviews and has gone down as one of the most bizarre celebrity tie-ins in gaming history.
And now I’m going to drink it.
Not gonna lie, I probably would not have bought this drink if it had not been endorsed by Shaq. He just has such a friendly face and the fact that he apparently knows kung fu just makes me feel safe inside. Slap this mans face on a product and I’ll be sure to at least consider buying it.
I picked up this 20 oz bottle of Shaq Fu Punch for a measly 78 cents. That’s pretty darn cheap in my book. It’s a price that screams, “TRY ME! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!” It’s also 12 cents less than the going average for a loose copy of Shaq Fu for the Genesis on eBay. So. There’s that.
Pineapples are swell. They’re amongst my favorite of fruits, and make wonderful homes for under sea creatures (or so Nickelodeon would lead me to believe). And as someone who consumes more than his fair share of pineapple in a given year I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Shaq Fu Punch kinda tastes like pineapple juice. Like just enough that I was legitimately surprised. Well done, AriZona Beverages.
“All Natural Ingredients” (10% Juice)
When you think about it, most ingredients are technically from nature. Like corn syrup for example. They just stick a spile in the corn stalk and drain all the syrup into a bucket... I assume. I mean, what am I a food biologist? Though even a non food biologist like myself knows that 10% juice is a pretty low number for total juice.
Here’s a fun fact - The term “punch” comes from Sanskrit and basically means “five”, as the original “punch” drink was made of five main ingredients. Shaq Fu Punch admittedly has much more than five. But that just makes it more punchy, right? It’s like a whole chain combo of ingredient beating up your stomach in one big beverage brawl.
Pretty Sure Shaq Didn’t Punch This Himself
I’d love to imagine Shaq literally punching each of the pineapples involved in this drink, but odds are his glorious knuckles never came near them. There’s no mention of how this product was made on the label, so for now I’ll just have to wait on Shaq to reply to me on twitter.
Shaq Fu Punch is a drink that I would reach for if I was really thirsty. Maybe even after a rousing game of hoops in the park. There’s nothing special about it aside from it’s connection to Mr. O’Neal, aka The Big Aristotle, The Big Daddy, The Big Shamrock, Mayor McShaq, and The Big Banana. I swear, those are actual nicknames people called Shaq at one time or another. I looked it up on the internet. It really makes one wonder why this isn’t a banana flavored drink...
Regardless, Shaq Fu Punch is chalked full of pineappley goodness and it’s undeniably wet. So, bottoms up, I guess.
You’re reading TAY, Kotaku’s community-run blog. TAY is written by and for Kotaku readers like you. We write about games, art, culture and everything in between. Want to write with us? Check out our tutorial here and join in.
If you need more Shaq in your life and want to see if he ever responds (he won’t) you can follow GBD on Twitter @SuperBentendo