Only two movies this week - we’re slacking! Today we’ll look at a high budget thrillathon featuring Typecast southerner, Anna Paquin, Old Man Withers, and that creepy guy from that show that one time. The other film was plucked from i09’s 9 ITALIAN HORROR MASTER MOVIE FILMS THAT WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOUR HEART EXPLODE IN TERROR.

First up let’s look at Kotaku’s Patrick Kleppek, “Required Viewing” for Halloween films - Trick R Treat.

Trick R Treat

The story is broken up into 3 or 4 mini movies that all intersect throughout the film. The main story involves a school bus full of mentally handicapped kids. The parents of these kids couldn’t stomach having to take care of them so hired the bus driver to drive them off a cliff. Now their ghosts come out on Halloween ooooohhhh. The other threads follow a girl trying to have her first time (WHICH SHOULD BE SPECIAL), and also a Serial Killer principal.

Lt. Helo from BSG makes a cameo as the boyfriend of a robot. Get it?

So how is it? It’s not bad. It’s very well put together and produced and shot. The odd thing is that this detracts overall from the scariness of the film. You feel more like you’re watching X-Men 5: Ghost Mutants than SLASHER HORROR SCAREFEST2016. The other thing is the film’s sort of....villain? I guess? I found to be incredibly adorable. I mean seriously. Look at this lil’ guy.


So cute! I felt the stories, despite overlapping in a physical space, didn’t really have much to do with each other either, which kind of made me ask what was the point of the gimmick? There are subtle twists on the horror formula in each chapter which was nice - that helpless damsel in distress is being hunted or doing the hunting?

Is it scary?

I’d give it a 2.5/5 scary rating

Should I watch it?

Yeah, probably. I’m not sure I’d say it’s a yearly requirement for me, but there’s definitely something there for everyone. It’s sort like watching A Serbian Film if Yossarian had a black pen, the script, and liver pain.

Phenomena

This movie features a young Jennifer Connelly as the town weirdo. Her dad, an uberfamous actor sent her to a boarding school in “THE TRANSYLVANIA OF SWEDEN/SWITZERLAND I FORGET WHICH IT IS THE ONE WITH THE NEGATIVE VERSION OF THE RED CROSS LOGO”

No joke. They say it several times.

It turns out that Jennifer Connelly is able to communicate with insects. This helps her track a serial killer that is preying on the girls of her boarding school.

Again. No Joke.

Also she sleepwalks, and as she does so is able to see the crimes being committed. I mean, with that much help, I’m amazed the movie clocked in at longer than 10 minutes. Detective Connelly on the case, sir.

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At one point a monkey gets a straightrazor and slashes up a woman. The monkey isn’t wearing pants which is a travesty because I really really hate monkey butts.

It’s not even so bad it’s funny though - it’s more so bad, it’s kind of boring and not very fun. Also randomly the audio would switch to Italian from English. It sounded like the Italian version was having more fun.

Was it Scary?

No. Not at all.

Should I watch it?

No. Not at all. I actually went ahead and deleted every other film from that list from my harddrive as I realized that if this film made a list of any kind beyond - movies you should probably skip - that I cannot trust that listmaker’s judgment at all.