I awoke one morning on a cold winter day to the sound of a ding dong bell that haunted the bedroom I was sleeping in. Without thinking I leapt out of bed, slipped on my dressing gown to cover my exposed body and answered the door to a big jolly red man. Why, it was the postman of course! Dont you Americans have postmen who wear red? No? You live in a strange land my friends!

The jolly red postman handed me a large package and ran off in the blink of an eye. For a moment my early morning self pondered the idea that this man was Santa but I ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and then took the package indoors.

What strange land did this package come from? Why, it was written on the box!

A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N-O L-A-N-D

GASP! This must be the fated package I was expecting from a nice young lady and an old crone. I tore the box to pieces and inside was a strange assortment of snacks from this far away land. There were chocolates called Swan (Dove), weird edible chopsticks and even crack cocaine...No wait, just Oreos.

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And beneath this strange food was a pile of wrapped gifts! Aw but alas it isn't Christmas yet...I can't open them...or can I...

For a moment I contemplated it. The evil Habboi snickering like a grinch, tearing at the corners like a sadistic torturer and imagining a teary eyed Z. And then...my dear friend, conscience came from behind me. He caught me in a Christmas Kung Fu grip and I was at his mercy so I gave up and stored the presents under an industrial plastic green edition christmas tree with real authentic plastic pine cones that smell like glue and love.

Then many weeks passed and the time finally came...the day I got to rip open presents from a person I have never met in the flesh. And lucky for her because I am quite fond of flesh...being a ZO (Zombie Overlord).

Low and behold my mountain of Christmas Love.

My eyes opened wide at the marvel of the colours and the smells.

For a moment I felt a familiar presence...

And it was soon followed by confusion...I am NOT A CAT...I AM A FREE MAN!

And then my heart filled with adventurous glee!

And the inner child within me smiled...

And the tears flowed through me like the colour blue.

Finally a smiling Habboi held up two presents...one good and one bad. One from a lovely young sister and one from an old goat.

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And with that the Habboi had a Merry Christmas with Turkey and tears because everyone knows you can't eat turkey without the sharp taste of salty tears. And that is the best gift Z gave me.

Until next year my friends. Thank you Zarnyx and Swan. Merry Christmas.