So, Z strong-armed me into writing a post to go along with her “theme” of love or whatever. So I will make my weekly Will story about love. More specifically about what he loves more than anything - his iPhone.

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I will also add at the end a story something I love more than anything - stealing Will’s iPhone.

Over the years Will has consistently bought the newest iPhone as soon as it hits the market. Doesn’t wait for an update through his carrier. Doesn’t wait for a reasonable price. Just immediately takes all his money and walks to the nearest Apple Store and gets the new phone the day it comes out.

He did this recently with the iPhone 6. He went out and bought the giant one. You know the one with the big screen that isn’t even a phone. He had a great reason for buying the larger, more expensive version. The screen is bigger so he can watch porn better on his phone.

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That statement is not a lie. He flat out told me that was why he sprung for the larger model. He doesn’t really have a computer, so it kind of makes sense. But I mean, really? Porn on your phone? Whatever floats your boat I guess.

So, by that paragraph above I bet you can guess where this story is going. If you said, he’s getting a virus on his phone isn’t he, than you are correct.

Just under a year ish after getting his brand new iPhone 6, it gets this horrible, nasty, crazy-ass virus that makes it completely unusable. So he heads down to the Apple Store to see if he can get it fixed.

The guy tells him it is completely shot. Like not able to be fixed. Has to be junked and used for parts. Will is about to break down crying, something I have only ever seen him do once in his life. But the guy has one last ray of hope.

So the store checks to see if the phone is still covered under warranty. Forget that Will’s rampant porn viewing killed it. It turns out, that yes it is still under warranty for like two more days. So Will gets a brand-spanking new iPhone 6.

He just takes the new phone and strolls right out of the store. He is flying high on his new iPhone 6. His warranty stays at the two days later date though, even though it is a new phone - this is important.

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Four days later, Will is getting himself a glass of milk so he sets the phone down on the counter of his kitchen. He sets the gallon of milk on the counter and turns to grab the glass. His elbow smacks the iPhone and it goes tumbling to the store and cracks the screen up all nice.

So now Will has a brand new iPhone 6 with a destroyed screen and no warranty. He goes back to the mall to check how much it will cost to get the screen repaired. Apple will do it for something around 100 I think is what he said.

He decides to check the other couple of people around who offer the same services. He finds a guy who runs a stall at the same mall. The guy mumbles to him it will cost 80 bucks. Will double checks the price and the guy shakes his head. Will leaves his phone with him.

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Will comes back an hour later to pick it up. The guy says it’ll be 180 bucks. Will gives him a stunned look. Guy tells Will he misheard the price, it was always 180. Will basically has to pay at this point so he starts pulling out his wallet when the guy then pulls out a new screen protector, opens it and puts it on Will’s phone.

Guy turns to Will, “That’ll be 196 dollars. Debit or credit?”

I still like to point out to Will that he got a brand new iPhone six for basically 200 bucks, which isn’t that bad. But I just love how karma made sure to pay him back for the phone.

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Now on to one of my favorite things I used to do to Will’s phone. When he lived with me for a year, I used to text him random pictures. Like terrible hentai pictures all the time. He used to hate me for it because he would get them when he was at work.

Anyway, I had this very specific one I found that was just awful. We had finished watching Avatar: the Last Airbender because Will had never seen it. He absolutely loved the show and had the hots for Katara. So I found this one picture of her that is super NSFW so I won’t link it here because I am not searching for it at work myself.

I will just say it involved momo.

Anyway, a couple months after he moved out I went to a convention with him in Miami. He had his new giant iPhone 6 by then, so I obviously stole it from him while we were waiting to get in. I found a text I had sent him a while back with that picture and immediately made it his background image on his phone.

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So he gets his phone back and goes to look at something and just starts laughing. Then he turns his phone sideways to go into his settings and fix it. Now when he turns the phone sideways, it does this thing where it zooms in on the middle part of the picture and makes it bigger. So as he is doing that, a couple groups of people walk by and just look at him and shake their heads.

He starts to furiously scream, “No, it wasn’t me! He did it!” as people are seeing a closeup of Katara’s massive boobs on his phone.

I just continued to stand there and laugh. I also was dressed like this at the time.

Poor Will stood no chance. He did finally get his background changed. Only for me to change it back like 30 minutes later when he wasn’t paying attention.

If you missed a week, I’ve got you covered.