So, big surprise, Will let us all down. He did not get me the next part of his story like he promised too. Although I should have known something was up when he didn’t make it an official Will promise.

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I would like to thank Big Z (I will spare the Fluffy Bunny moniker this one time) for also harassing Will with me to get the story. Alas we were unsuccessful.

Anyway, you should all give him shit at Winsloww88 on Twitter. Just rip into him. Make it hurt. Make it personal.

On a side note, Karma got revenge on Will this week, as BJ’s ex that he was trying to get with forever had her first child with her current boyfriend. Will was not pleased when he told me this information. He did, in fairness to Will, say “Speaking of BJs” before he told me, so he earns some credit back.

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Now on to the story. Since Will let us down I will share probably my favorite story about Will. At least my favorite joke about Will anyway, because the story of his most recent serious girlfriend is my favorite, and is like an eight part masterpiece.

Anyway, so here we were right after graduating high school. Will had gotten his first “real” girlfriend. Like he had some crushes and some dates, but this was his first real girlfriend.

Quick side note: in the Kind of Like a Bad Porno story I stated that was his first time. I was mistaken, it was actually his second. These stories run together in my head since I have known Will for 15 years, so sue me.

During high school we had a running joke about Will and about how he tricked a girl on a date one time to give him a handy through the cut out bottom of a popcorn bucket during a movie, and how that was his only time. We also used to joke about it only lasting 10 seconds so the girl didn’t even notice.

Well, he always laughed at it and joked. But the one part he always fought was the 10 second thing. Jump to his real first time with this girl. Obviously since Will is only interested in one thing, that is what he got.

Speaking of BJs... he then called us to brag about it. The first words out of his mouth over the phone (a conversation we actually recorded at the time) were, “She totally S’d my D.” Just matter of factly. That is probably one of my favorite things to say to people. Because you know exactly what it means, but it is just vague enough that you can use it all the time. She totally stole my dime. She totally spoiled my donut. She totally set my device.

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But that wasn’t the best part of the conversation. No more than two seconds after we stopped laughing at the way he said that, the real gem came.

US: So Will, did you beat your record of 10 seconds?

Will: TOTALLY LASTED 26 SECONDS GUYS! TOLD YOU I WOULD LAST LONGER THAN 10!

He was super proud of himself. Like, didn’t realize what he was saying, he was so proud. Talking about how he fought it off and totally made it last.

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Now I will put a list of things that I have noticed that include the number 26 since Will said this.

There are 26 letters in the alphabet, Every single time I park in a lot with numbers I always park in 26, It is the atomic number of Iron, the number of cases on the show Deal or No Deal (loved this show, don’t know why), the number of episodes most U.S. shows produce per season, doubling 26 gives 52 - the number of weeks in a year, my mother’s birthday - Dec. 26, numerous street signs and businesses with 26 on it somewhere.

And since I went to a Catholic school and had a lot of religion classes and did a project on Judaism I will post this, from Wikipedia:

  • 26 is the gematric number, being the sum of the Hebrew characters (Hebrew: יהוה‎) being the name of the god of Israel – YHWH (Yehweh).
  • The Greek Strongs number G26 is “Agape”, which means “Love”.
  • The expression “For His mercy endures forever” is found verbatim in English and the original Hebrew 26 times in Psalm 136. The expression is found once in each of the 26 verses.
  • According to Jewish chronology, God gave the Torah in the 26th generation since Creation.

I challenge you to not see the number 26 later today. You can never not see it now.

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Anyway, feel free to use this in future conversations. Like: “Wow that car was almost as fast as Will” or “That show was finished quicker than Will” or “I would like to end this date faster than Will” or the like.

Don’t forget to wish everyone a Happy Will Day tomorrow.

Here is to hoping he doesn’t let us down again. I have more of these. See you all next week.

@Winsloww88 “Why you so fast?”


If you missed a week, I’ve got you covered.