You know, during my time here I'd like to think we've had some fun. Back when I was hulking man-flesh people would enjoy all the rampant flex-lifting I would do on a daily basis. When I decided to cook something with my voice, screaming at chicken until it was thoroughly cooked, I made sure TAY was the first to hear of my food conquest. But now, as time has gone by, and life happens, I found myself wondering what the point of all of this is. Do I do it because I want to entertain others with my thoughts and ramblings? Do I do it because I like social interaction, and rarely have that anymore? Do I do what I do in hopes that I will get something featured on Kotaku?
Al three of these things were accurate at one point, I imagine. And when I look back on all the things I've written, I know one thing: my heart's no longer in writing for TAY.
So, I'm leaving.
Writing used to be my job, and it was the best job I'd had. Earning accolades in college for my articles was the best feeling in the world. Being hired to write professionally was even better. Then, when my seizures came back in full force, they cost me my professional life. When that happened, TAY stopped being fun for me, no longer being a place I wanted to make people laugh, but an outlet for me to just write because that's all I wanted to do. I didn't care to entertain. I just wanted to be seen. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to be a professional writer again.
And I lost sight of why I came here in the first place. And it's not that TAY is no longer right for me. I'm no longer right for TAY. For now.
[Update]When I look at TAY, I'm ashamed to say I feel a bit of cynicism. It appears as though when life starts giving me a bad hand I begin to stop seeing the beauty and the fun in a lot of things. And TAY was one of them. I didn't feel joy when coming here. I didn't see why some of the articles written by those of you on here were as great as they really are.
That's not who I am. Many know that, when I leave my alter-ego out of my posts, I genuinely care about everyone on here, even though I've never met them in person. And the person that cares for strangers — that's the person I am.
But I'm out of sorts now, and I need to be me again. I need to take a break from TAY until I'm better. I'm not leaving for good.[/Update]
So when I bid this farewell, I'm saying it to those that I've grown quite fond of, those that have helped me through the times I'm facing, and those I've shared a great deal about myself with. This is more for them than it is for me. They deserve to know why I'm leaving, deserve closure.
So, take care. Because this isn't 'goodbye' — it's 'I'll see you later'.