So, first off, today’s trilogy was suggest to us by TAY’s very own pocoGRANDES. Please place all blame at his feet. I can’t say I blame him TOO Much as Balthazar Getty was in Feast (swoon). We’ve also decided to add one additional section with a sort of bottom line - is it worth watching.

Summary

Aikage: For reasons never explained, monsters descend on a bar (feast 1) and then a town (Feast 2 and 3). The bar patrons mostly die but a few remain unscathed and escape. In the second film (really 3 is a direct continuation of 2), the sister of one of the characters in the FIRST film, tracks Balthazar Getty (the hero from the first film) to a town (she blames him for her sister’s death) and she and her biker friends and a gang of rag tag misfits attempt to break into a jail for safety and then escape the town after coming up empty (I’m guessing Mr. Getty decided on a hard pass for the sequels).

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Kidechka: A few of the characters who died in the first film show up in the second and third, which is fun. Instead of building a background for any characters, a little comic text box pops up and gives you the basic info about the people. I like that for these films. They don’t waste time with stuff they know their viewers don’t care about. All that pesky backstory just takes time away from blood spatter. Example - Bartender: We know he’s died twice already…

Example of an actual “character card”

There’s a great little song at the end of the third film that goes through the whole story, like-a so: “Where did these monsters come from, no one knows!!! Ayyyyyyyyyyy dios mio!!!!!! They attacked a bar and their population grows!!! Ayyyyyyyy dios mio!!!!!”

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Aikage: Yeah, we considered just copy/pasting the song lyrics instead of doing any official write up which...probably would have been better in retrospect :D

TL:DR

Aikage: Feast is a dark comedy/horror that lands a good number of jokes but ends up falling in the middle of the pack for an over reliance on juvenile gags (giant monster dongs feature prominently. I felt like I was watching Transformers 2)

Kidechka: It’s fun enough for a little bit. Sometimes things move too fast to know how or why someone died, but does it matter? No. Soon, someone else will be introduced to die off equally as quickly.

Gore Score

We really need a consistent scoring graphic

Aikage: Someone in the movie gets sprayed with every possible bodily fluid at one point or another. Every. Possible. If you can imagine an amputation, it probably happens to someone. It doesn’t get much gorier than this. Also the movie spares no population from being gored. Children? Yep. Babies!?! Yep. Little People? You bet. Heroines you really hope make it? Yes. The Karate Kid who just shows up out of nowhere? Sure. Badass Biker Ladies? Absolutely. Guys who have had a pipe inserted from their chin to their forehead but are still alive? Affirmative. People with disabilities? Etc. etc. etc.

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Kidechka: As gore as gore gets. There is a dissection, people get covered in acidic vomit, poor abuelita gets torn limb from limb, there’s a catapult that launches people and parts. They use motorcycles as weapons in hand to hand combat! Like he said, everyone gets covered in everything.

Scare Score

Aikage: Here I need to separate the films. The first Feast was rife with jump scares and I’d give it a 2.5/5 as most of these were telegraphed and not very scary. The later movies did away with that and went with gore/nudity over any attempt to scare. 0.5/5 on those (there’s a scary mecha giant robot. So half a star)

Kidechka: Not scary ever. I laughed a lot more than I was ever scared.

Should you Watch it Even Though We Watched it For You so You Don’t Have To

Aikage: Yes. Although it veers dangerously close to No. There’s enough cleverness to warrant a watch through of at least the first movie. You can probably skip 2 and 3 unless you really enjoyed the first.

Kidechka: Just watch the first one.


This has been another WWISYDHT! The TAY feature where Aikage and Kidechka watch terrible horror films and report on them all for your pleasure! Have a suggestion for us to watch? We’ll watch anything and probably have! Let us hear it in the comments below.