Introduction

Hey there! Welcome! Kidechka and I watch a LOT of horror movies. Like...a LOT! We watch good horror movies (2%), we watch so bad they’re good (10%) and mostly, we watch just plain terrible (math%) horror movies.

We thought it’d be fun if we did a series of short reviews on some of the films we watch as we watch them so next time you’re scrolling around on Netflix and feel like clicking Zombeavers, you’ll have a reference for wtf that movie is!

PS. Zombeavers is probably worth watching, actually, if only for the weird human to beaver scene. One minute there’s kissy kissy the next there’s beaver. Read into that what you will.

We’re not here to discuss the merits of Zombeavers however, our first choice is an oddball film i found when I was looking for “It comes at night (2017)“ a film I am confident will be much better than this one. Without further ado let us look at Tonight She Comes:

Actual Review

Summary

Aikage: A part time postal worker and his bro try to deliver mail to an out of the way house and uncover a DEMONIC OCCURRENCE instead! Of course there are two females frolicking at this remote cabin (by the way they’re GETTING DRUNNNKKKK), while waiting for the third friend to show. Hijinx ensue!

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Kidechka: He forgot to mention that there is a super hillbilly family. What are they up to? Trying to kill the main stage? Trying to save them? Maybe trying to save the world! Who knows, but there is a blood ritual that may get a little out of hand. Elder hillbilly’s accent really bothered me to the point of distraction. I quite liked girl hillbilly’s megalomania.

TL;DR Review

Aikage: A tonally strange film that tries to be funnier than it is, with terrible acting that can’t quite be called campy, music better than it has any right to be, and a lot of “naked lady covered in blood.”

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Kidechka: ….seriously, wtf? Why didn’t the water wash all of the blood off of the naked lady? Also, this was just a really long music video for the dude’s band.

Aikage: Oh yeah I forgot about that, all the music is done by the main character’s real life band! It’s...not half bad oddly.

Gore Score:

Aikage: Naked lady covered in blood, woman stabs her pregnant belly to prevent demon birth, feminine hygiene issues (SOMETHING GETS EATEN OK? If you want to know more watch it.), eye gouging, brief and unexplainable intestine chewing

Kidechka: I had to avert my eyes for part of it. WHY WAS THERE CHEWING?

Scare Score:

Aikage: Hard to have any sort of stakes when none of the characters are particularly well fleshed out, acted, or interesting. The MC is a part time postal worker with a masturbatory friend. So there’s that. The scariest part is some decent creepiness on the part of the naked blood lady.

Kidechka: Not scary. I think Quiddity could watch it.