Fair bit of warning up top: Be prepared for tangents. It’s too late for reviews, so instead let’s have a conversation. Don’t expect many spoilers (from me [in the post, not comments]), but be prepared for that, too. I hope you enjoy.

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So I went to the drive-in (yeah, they DO exist)

with my daughter and my partner a few weeks back to watch Wonder Woman (I mean...duh, right?). Here’s an odd fact about that:

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The drive-in was playing both Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy 2, so it only makes sense that they paired them together, yeah? Except they didn’t. The pairings were GotG2 w/ Cars 3, and WW w/ The Mummy. (Wait... What??) So we went & watched Wonder Woman, and then sat through a very mediocre film whose climax rested on a metaphor for Tom Cruise’s relationships (“he kisses a woman...to death!”). It was weird.

Now, the Tea-El;Dee-Are is I loved this movie. So if you feel the need to gush about it, just jump down to the comments and start gushing (weirdo). If you prefer some conversational prompts, I’ll be breaking down some of my most/least favorite things. But what if you DIDN’T like the movie?

In all seriousness, if you have real complaints let it be known. Different opinions are welcome, trolls aren’t. So vent. I probably agree.

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Finally, no girls allowed!! I think there are WAYYY too many opinions on this film by diverse groups. It’s obvious that what’s missing is the opinions of Straight White Males, just let us have this one. Stop oppressing us.

:P Tee-Hee...

One of the cooler bits to come from the DCEU is how well they embrace fantastical comic book elements. Marvel waited until Thor/Avengers to introduce Aliens, Man of Steel made First Contact a part of the plot (not just because Supes is alien, btw). Dr. Strange whispered “magic” under a swell of music and thump of bass, while Suicide Squad was like, “Oh her? Fuckin witch. Witches and magic are a thing.” Thor is a Superman-esque alien or Transdimensional being So they can side-step the whole “gods” part. Wonder Woman Opens with “Zeus made the Universe” and Ares is the main antagonist. Not saying the DCEU is better than the MCU, but that should still be praised.

Themyscira is wonderful. From the architecture to the Amazons, I loved all of this world. Whether it’s a theme park, video game, VR tourism, or spin-off flicks, I need more Themyscira in my life.

Despite the burning desire to kill (and piss poor shadow-boxing skills) Li’l Diana is totes-McGoats the most adorbz kid EVER!!

Dat Native god, doh.

Diana has a heart, soul, and STRONG moral compass, underlined by her compassion, sense of duty, and optimism... with a hint of innocence. The way all of this was blended perfectly- without making her seem stupid or naïve- really deserves commendation. She embodied the ideals of Superman that people lament MoS lacks.

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I won’t lie... It was pretty dope seeing a woman told “You can’t do that!” only for her to reply “Watch me”, through the loudest form of communication- actions.

Fucking BOSS

Antiope. Nuff said.

Etta Candy is an absolute joy.

Without spoiling here, the combination of classic with New 52 was nice.

The chemistry. I think the leads had a real spark between them. Obviously everyone likes seeing two gorgeous people connect, but the bond between Diana and Steve seemed to have a deeper comradery and love beneath the surface that resonated louder than any basic lust.

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The sex scene was tasteful (heh...) And very sweet. (& PG-13 enough to not worry me as a parent)

They went full Ares.

Finally... THAT scene (you know which one). Even after the internet exploded with praise for it, I still found myself utterly enthralled. No Man’s Land made me cry. Even harder when I heard my kid say, “Wonder Woman is awwwwwesoooommmme...” under her breath.

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I have a clip (see gif below) to illustrate. Be warned, however: This film is not on Home Video yet, and no matter how high the resolution, cam vids always suck. But for you guys, I will always bring my A game:

This is so obviously a cam rip...

Wow. What an amazing scene. I wish the gif had more of it.

Next part!

The villain “twist” was rather obvious.

Hippolyta seemed to exist as a plot-extender. ‘Let her train.’ “No!” ‘Let her train.’ “No!” ‘Let her train.’ “Train the fuck outta her!” Ugh...

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Got some BvS vibes from the end battle with Ares. Smoke and fire and giant CGI beings...it was still better than BvS, but kinda lame regardless.

I didn’t like how the Germans were the “evil” ones given that it was WWI. I would have preferred more rumination on the pointlessness of the “Great” War.

Despite being portrayed by Gal Gadot, the camera never lingered uncomfortably or sexually ogled her goodies. (Ok, I lied. I’m just trying to be hired by Vulture)

CGI sometimes wonky.

What was up with the CGI at times? Characters never looked plastic like Spider-Man 2, but they did move like Blade II.

It never took me out of the film (because superhuman) but it was weird.

How does aging work? Were all the Amazon women adults when Zeus made the island and frozen there? Do they stop aging in their prime? Did it take Diana ~5000 years to go from kid to adult, or did she she naturally until 25-30 and just stop for the next 4975-4970?

Could Diana rip off Steve’s dick? Cuz I bet she kegels.

How would sex even work with a demi-god? Is it a woman-of-steel, man-of-tissue situation?

No matter how you slice it, it seems unpleasant for at least one person.

If all the gods died, why still worship them?

Can she fly yet, or not?

Anyway, there’s my observations. Let’s talk about this movie!!!

[Note: This post was originally written for July 2, 2017 but due to technical issues couldn’t be posted until now]