Today, I begin my journey to the center of VHS Hell. It similar to regular Hell, but instead of constant physical mutilation and eternal hell flames, everyone sits in front of a RCA TV and waits for a never ending VHS tape to rewind. Each lost soul staring into a blue screen until their eyes slip out of their skull. Lucky for me, my stay will only last 30 days.
The purpose of my trip to Satan’s game room, is to watch 30 VHS tapes in 30 days and write a review of each movie. However, instead of me choosing the movies that I will be watching, the staff at I Luv Video will be choosing them for me. If you don’t have any idea what I Luv Video is, watch the clip below.
The films will be given to me randomly, meaning the mysterious and most likely demonically possessed VHS tape could be a Comedy, Romance, Concert, Porn, Anime, and yes even a Katherine Heigl movie (may the Blu-ray Gods have mercy on my soul).
1. I will not know which movie I will be watching until I put it into my VCR player. All movies will be picked by the staff at I Luv Video, placed in a brown bag, and handed to me like a borracho getting his fix.
2. If I have seen the movie that has been chosen for me already, I will watch it again. First, to make sure that I really have seen it and second, to insure my further passage through the rings of VHS Hell.
3. Each VHS review has to be longer than 500 words.
4. I’m allowed 3 mulligans if a movie that is chosen for me is just truly awful. However, my goal is to watch every movie that is bestowed upon me. YE CANT ESCAPE JUDGEMENT!!
5. No crying. Not even when my eyeballs begin to liquefy and drip out of my skull like cold brew coffee from Starbucks.
I just bought a top of the line VCR player with 9 (count them) buttons from Goodwill for $7.00 and my first review will go up tomorrow. Let see who burns out first, me or the Mylar in these VHS tapes (safe money is on me).
Special thanks to I Luv Video in Austin, The World’s Largest Video Store, for being my spiritual and literal guide through VHS purgatory. If you are ever in Austin, Texas go check out their store it is really dope. Most rentals are $1 for 5 days and they also have free beer on Tuesday!