That new Apple Watch sure does look snazzy, eh? I wouldn’t mind having one. I mean, if someone were to buy me one I wouldn’t turn them down. Any takers?
I thought not.
So instead of wishing we all had slick new solid gold watches that cost more than adopting a living human infant let’s take a not-so-serious look at some kickass gaming watches from the past. Some are games for your wrists, some are games that tell time, some are both (I think). It’s game time, baby.
Game & Watch
It’s amazing how many folks don’t realize that Nintendo’s original Game & Watch series wasn’t just a game you could “watch”, but an actual watch. Nintendo made their original handheld tiny and included a time feature so adults wouldn’t be embarrassed to carry/play them on the train. As you probably know there’s not just one Game & Watch. There are dozens and dozens of silly black and white adventures hiding behind Big N’s tiny LCD screens.
So grab one of these bad boys and stop being so embarrassed about your daily commute hobbies, you nerd.
If you thought you loved gobbling ghosts and fruit in the arcade you can bet your sweet bibby you’ll enjoy strapping that adventure to part of your body. There obviously isn’t as much depth, but anyone who’s tried to bring their arcade cabinet with them on the bus will know it’s a better mobile alternative.
Nelsonic made a whole line of arcade-to-watch games, but when it comes to the world of arcade gameplay Pacman is still the big yellow king.
Cosmo Flight Watch
Anyone who’s flown a spaceship (and let’s face it, who hasn’t) knows that taking off can be a total drag. You’re on the runway to space and all these other pilots are jocking you, trying to play like they know you. I’m not sure if Cosmo Flight actually has you on a runway taking off, but it damn sure looks like it. Watch graphics back in the day were a bit wanting it seems.
All I know is that you really don’t want to crash headlong into another spaceship. That’s gonna end your game real quick. So as you engage your warp speed and flail from left to right and back again just remember the rules of the road. Your in space though. Rules of the space road.
...wait, is this F-Zero? Holy crap, I think it is.
Star Fox Watch
All the fun of getting those guys off Slippy with only 1/100th of the screen size! This is another Nelsonic masterpiece, but features way more... foxes... in spaceships. Tons more as a matter of fact. Players fly through space in their trusty arwing avoiding obstacles and blasting all those who oppose their anthropomorphic reign.
And if you smack the watch real hard it’ll say, “Hey Einstein, I’m on YOUR side!”
No, wait, I made that part up.
It is pretty sweet that you can play the game AND see the time. Or is that distracting? I guess it depends on how late you’re running.
Na na na na na na na BATWATCH! This work of art is the gem of the Wrist Games line from the ‘90s giant Tiger Electronics. Just take a gander at the ad below.
Who needs a whole controller when you’ve got three (count’em, three) buttons and a Batman symbol. Watch as Batman jumps from ledge to ledge while leaning back at an awkward angle, thwarting thugs and getting whaled on by baseball bats. Oh the irony.
It’s going to be hard for Warner Brother’s to top this one with the next Arkham title, that’s for sure.
It’s that thing that got you back into digital pets after you got tired of feeding your Tamagotchi it’s own poop over and over. It’s the cutest (deal with it, Jigglypuff) and most adorable (suck it, Eevee) Pokemon in the palm of your hand. When you walk, it walks! When you shake it sitting down, it walks! When you tape it to your rumble pack and go HAM in some Star Fox 64, it walks! But that’s cheating and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Also, it has a watch and can tell time. But that’s like the last thing you’ll use it for. Oh look! Pikachu is building blocks! He’s grown so much these few last days *sniff*
Classic Arcade Wristwatch
Just in case everyone wasn’t already aware of what an enormous dork you are, I present the watch that actually looks like an arcade cabinet (but weirdly isn’t one). Apparently you can have a watch that plays arcade titles OR looks like it belongs in an arcade, but not both. God just won’t allow it.
While this one doesn’t let you play any games, it still looks like you might be winning. This watch makes all the classic “pew pew pew” noises of the early ‘80s and lights up like the 4th of July upon your heavenly touch. If anyone asks if it’s a real game just lie and say it is and that you have the high score and that they can’t play it. Always a good way to start a
Surely there are a cornucopia (thanks thesaurus.com) of other gaming watches out there that have changed the lives of gamers all across the globe. Do you know of a better gaming watch that I almost certainly forgot? Which one on this list was your favorite and why was it the Star Fox one?
GiantBoyDetective is a silly person who sometimes says serious things about gaming. You should follow him on Twitter. If you’re reading this on an Apple Watch then you’re cooler than him.