...presenting a TAY Fish.

Here's what you'll need to make your very own fish should you care to:

Item Get:

  • One two-litre empty soda bottle, with wrapper peeled off
  • paint of your choosing
  • fancy things to fancy up your fish
  • a stapler
  • fishing line
  • a pair of scissors
  • passable surgical skills
  • an adult, if the two previous points do not apply
  • Suspension of belief
  • Imagination

Some Kind of Method

I used a Fanta orange soda bottle for my fish. Why was that in my house? It was a long story. Now, the bottle was a little bit troublesome and was not nice and rounded like those current FIFA coke bottles hanging around (or any clear soda bottle. Pepsi... That's all all I can think of as to brands).

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After cutting the bottom of the bottle off, I next headed for the top. Ideally for a sweet, small mouthed fish, you should cut if right after the hard part of the bottle neck where the cap goes on. A like so:

I, of course, made a wide-mouthed frog fish. It has its advantage as I hope to prove later.

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Save the bottle top, tie some fishing line to it and set it aside for later*.

After the body of the fish was secured, I made two slits on either side for gills and fins. Next, I began cutting out his tail. Lots of dangerous, sharp plastic pieces and mess later, I came away with this:

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If you'll notice, I stapled the opposite tail fins together. That's all well and good and you should do that. In fact, you have to do that but do not pull a Zarn and staple it BEFORE you paint the thing.

Why? Well next you'll take your paint and paint the inside of the fish. Not the outside. So you'll want the back open to paint your fish properly, then staple it. Since I had a wide mouthed fish, I got to painting from the front through the mouth. Which was probably terribly humiliating for the fish. Think about the fish, TAY.

Now, don't forget to save some bottle splinters after you cut out the tail to make some side fins as above. Depending on how much you have left, you can actually make really large, beautiful fins. My fish had tiny, carney fins which you should not judge.

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Paint those up too and stick them into the slits you made on either side of the body:

Since I wanted a fancy fish who needed much more personality, I got some beads and ribbon.

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In an act of an ecological nightmare waiting to happen, in which my fish will go extinct should it ever be set into the wild, I gave him uneven beads on target practice bits of ribbon and stuck them along with his gills into the slits.

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He's a unique sort and will be the envy of all the other fish for his fabulousity. Until those beads slow down his swimming and he is picked off as he draws attention to himself for being so beautiful. Remember that suspension of belief I asked you to bring for this ActiviTAY? Enact it now.

Next up, my fish needed eyes. Digging into Swan's stash of googly eyes, I was startled to see some horrendous things in the collection:

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Seriously, I don't know what she has been doing that she has these...things... in there.

But you know what? Why not.

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And thus, the Ziggy Stardust of Fish was born. If you'll also notice, I gave it glittery lipstick lips for extra sass.

How to Use

The TAY fish went straight to work. I sketched something NSFW or DNKOE as it may also be called (Drawing Not Kind On Eyes), and our fish quickly covered up the offending bits**.

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**Disclaimer: Fish may not actually effectively cover all offending bits. Some Photoshop may be required. I added a star on my fish too. Darling, isn't it? Star also helps to dazzle and confuse.

For another use, please note this is where the wide mouth and ribbon comes in handy. Observe:

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Notice how much more the shocked face adds to this censoring. There's outrage and disbelief in that face. Priceless.

So that's it. That's how I made a TAY censoring fish. I'm sure lots of you could do much better, so if you'd like, please feel free! I would love to see them.

In the meanwhile, feel free to use this fish to red flag your friends. In jest of course. Because no one could ever take this fish seriously. Ever.

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My nephew made a cuter fish in school and that's who I got the idea from. Psh. Show Off Second Graders. He laughed at me.

Update:

He laughed with good reason. Here's his:

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*If you wanted to hang your fish from the ceiling, puncture a little hole on top of the fish and string the fishing line/bottle top combo through as an anchor.