WE DID IT! THANK MERCIFUL GOD WE FINALLY DID IT! Look I know this game came out quite a while ago now, and most of you who got it probably finished it weeks ago, but I just kept getting distracted with other more interesting things to do, like Mario Maker, or Fallout.... or watching my grass grow, or actually watching it try to grow, it’s cold out, and it all just turned brown like a month ago, it makes it kind of ugly outside with all the leaves off the trees, and brown dried up grass, it finally just got a good dump of snow here so all that’s covered up now so it’s starting to look like Christmas and whatnot, so that’s good.

Could you tell I wasn’t a huge fan? I was kind of on the fence when the game came out, but alas I was rundown by the hype train. Perfect scores, glowing reviews, YouTube gameplay that looked interesting, and engaging, The greatest stealth action game ever made you say? All right you got me... I’m curious just how much of the game most of these reviewers played. Maybe everyone likes pointless side missions, empty worlds, and minimal story these days, but that’s just not what I was expecting from a Metal Gear game.

Upon first loading up the game I thought it was great. It looks amazing, hands down it controls better than any game in the series, and Revolver Ocelot is on our side now? Oh hot damn! Half this game better be him just spinning his guns around!

But somewhere between extracting highly skilled soldier #8, and eliminate heavy infantry #4 I was realized I was not going to get what I wanted/expected out of this game. A majority of the game is sneak into “insert base name” and extract “insert variable”. This wouldn’t be so bad if that was the side missions, but that spills over into the main quest as well, but after extracting what ever you were sent in to get you get a couple minutes of Kaz talking.

I literally finished the game last night, and I can tell you more about any of the Metal Gear games (1-4), the other ones just have so many memorable moments. Fighting Sniper Wolf with a Nikita rocket launcher, plugging my controller into slot 2, naked Raiden flipping, Rex vs. Ray, Fist fights on top of Metal Gears... Nothing like that is present here. There are a few pretty awesome parts in five, but they are just buried underneath seemingly endless fetch quests. Where are the awesome memorable bosses, and boss fights? Where is the story?

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For some reason, Konami/Kojima decided to deliver basically all the story through casette tapes... Friggin casette tapes! So i can just turn on a casette tape while I am wandering around doing side missions you say? While some people may be able to do that, I find it super distracting to try to listen to somebody talk while I am trying to stealth my way through a base, trying to listen for soldiers. This could just be a me problem, but I found myself just sitting at mother base or in my helicopter listening to tapes, frankly I would rather have a 10 minute Kojima cut scene instead of a ten minute sit and look around in my menu while listening to some recordings.

There were so many missed opportunity’s. The huge open world largely felt empty between bases, with so much area to explore, I was surprised I didn’t find some of that Metal Gear weirdness (apparently there is a little). Revolver Ocelot never gets to really bust out his guns, the base feels big and empty, and boring.

All that said, it wasn’t a huge bust. Like I said earlier, it controls super, and it has a polish that is starting to rarely be seen these days. Quiet was great, once finally start getting past her gratuitous ass and breast shots (come on kojima...), her story left me with some serious feels. Ocelot and Miller’s relationship was pretty entertaining. Oh and D-Dog, dammit I love you D-Dog...

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Now with all that said, I’m going back to Fallout... Well first I’m gonna grab some food. I wonder if there is a Miller’s Maxi Buns around here... I could really go for a chemical burger right now...