I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!

Deadyard Shift

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So... What am I even doing with my life?

From my culinary paper:


The Devil Rock Café has just received a low health score thanks to Mr. Midget's brother for putting a batch of cookies in the oven, and leaving them there for days on end while Chef Why Is My First Name A Food Product? somehow never finds out despite students telling her thick black smoke is pouring out of it. (Probably thanks to me he-who-did-not-actually-do-it for thinking that the drain of the scrubbing sink didn't need to have its cover on for no apparent reason, and leaving Culinary Girl to drop all the metal equipment she wanted down the garbage disposal keeping her occupied.) Because of all that, the students running the café need a glorious nouvelle idée that will revitalize the teacher's lust for student-made poisoned food! To make sure that this idea is an unparalleled accomplishment, it must be very easily made, and there must be a ginormous miniscule chance of cross-contamination that could wipe out the High School's population of teachers. Because come on, money for the culinary program and no school for a few days at the same time? Awesome. (We need the influx of cash to keep coming in order to support the program, and without the teachers, there would be no money, and thus, no culinary program. You know what? Screw this sh-)

Chosen Solution (Italian Sandwich):

I've decided to make this over the other possible choices due to it fulfilling most the requirements better than any of the other choices. It can be rather easily made, uses only the items at disposal (other than the salami), the only thing that will need to be cooked is the bread and the rest is construction, so it shouldn't take too long to make, cross-contamination really doesn't need to be worried about thanks to the only uncooked item being, once again, bread, and it includes a plethora of different ingredients and tastes in one serving.

(Then I used a lot of salt........)

Impact of the Solution:

Thanks to the god-like taste of the sandwich, The Messiah (now Fuhrer President King of culinary) has saved the Devil Rock Cafe, and teachers are pushing, shoving, and squeezing through the door of the class to get one of their own. In fact, they like it so much that it is now all they order for lunch, causing a massive deficit of salt nationwide and making all the teachers at MHS get high blood-pressure and slowly gain weight as the rest of the nation abandons fast-food due to the lack of salt and slowly loses weight. Around the final few weeks of school, a handful of teachers got stuck in the doorway and had to be surgically removed. This brought the attention of the media to the school as the situation was unheard of, especially the part that said fat people in 'Murica still existed. Desperate to contain the shameful and horrifying news, a media blackout was set in quite a few hours late, and all social media sites were hacked and shut-down. This in turn started a riot composed of middle schoolers, moms, and new-age hipsters who toppled the government and then realized they had no clue what they were actually doing. Finally, the British government stepped in and brought the Ununited States of 'Murica under (its) control. Now everyone sips tea at high noon and wear red coats in the winter. What happened to MHS, the teachers, and the Devil-Rock Cafe you ask? Well, a toxicologist came in to help the teachers, but poisoned them instead, cackled like a mad villain, gave a five minute monologue, and then flew away like a birdy until his wings melted and he fell into the nearby lake. This mess left the cafe with a bad representation once again, so The Messiah said, "#%$@ it." and walked towards the golden unknown, ready for many new adventures to come!

~The End~


Shoot me, just shoot me. Either that or TAY below everyone!

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