DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT: I've been playing this Japanese RPG game for like 3 straight hours. I love all this majestic sounding music and every character wears a neon porcupine on their head. I just love it. BUT, I still haven't been able to save my game. Ugh! I'm so annoyed! Why can't I just save my progress anytime I want?- JRPGER

JRPGER: Once upon a time, long ago, there lived wise and kind-hearted King. This King gave Players the ultimate power: to save their video game progress at anytime. But then, the Industry came. They believed Players should not be allowed to wield so much power. So they murdered the King, your father, and sealed the knowledge of anytime saving inside the magic crystal of Obvious Con'venience. Darkness fell upon our world. But, legend has it that a very annoyed gamer with the power to destroy the crystal and usurp the Industry would save us all! JRPGER, you that legendary annoyed gamer! Defeat the Industry and restore the knowledge of anytime saves!

DEAR VIDEO GAME EXPERT is a non-syndicated joke that provides commonly uncommon common sense advice about video games from a youthful perspective. Track my Twitter behavior on Twitter @marshnaylor