JACKSON – Following a series of confidential conferences held over a thirty-six hour period, a tentative settlement agreement was reached this evening between local father Andre Crowder and thirteen-year-old daughter Avery which stipulates the terms of repayment on a $300 bill for in-game charges incurred in animated stories Mean Girls Senior Year, Demi Lovato’s Path to Fame, and Campus Crush.

The settlement resolves Ms. Crowder’s liabilities primarily through its robust “working it off” provisions which specifically require the youth to do “all usual chores, plus laundry, plus cleaning the bathroom for two months” and which also broadly commit her to “whatever else we [parents] tell you to do without any damn lip about it.” Other requirements include an extension into the weekend of the applicable limits on using electronic devices (“except for homework”), an earlier bedtime, and an unspecified improvement in academic performance.

After initial resistance, Ms. Crowder declared her final, grudging acceptance of the terms today with an emphatic, “FINE! WHATEVER DAD.” The concession represents a significant departure from the younger Crowder’s early, staunch claims of ignorance (“WELL I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS CHARGING ME!!!”) and efforts to deflect responsibility (“YOU ADDED THE CREDIT CARD NUMBER, NOT ME!!!”). In exchange for her consent, Mr. Crowder agreed to retract an earlier demand for a total prohibition on electronic devices (“except for homework”) as well as to back off a controversial requirement for his daughter to “stop messaging that boy – you know the one I’m talking about.

Although both parties have indicated acceptance of the terms, the proposed agreement still requires review by the resident magistrate, who would be back from spin class in about an hour.


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