I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled iFIFA 16/i is a Bunch of Bullshit

So I turned on my PS4 for the first time since 1987 to add Soma and the Trespasser DLC for Dragon Age 3 to my cart, just to see how much the two of them cost. Now, I honestly had no idea FIFA 16 was coming out - I’m Canadian, and all I know regarding sports right now is that the NHL pre-season is starting (how Jiri Tlusty did not even get a PTO, I do not bloody well know).

But, lo and behold, there it was on the New Releases page... Soma, which is objectively a better game by virtue of not being an annual sports game shat out by EA, was buried under FIFA 16.


And I do mean buried.

Do you know how many different icons of FIFA 16 appear on the “New” page? Around 12. Yeah, not only are there three versions of the digital game (starting at $80; yes, the Canadian dollar is weak, but only the douchiest of devs actually charge the full 80 Loons instead of $70 or $75), but another 10 packs of microtransaction bullshit.

And that’s what pisses me off the most. Things start off simple enough - 100 FIFA Points for $1.49? Yeah, sure, whatever. If someone wants to unlock an alternate costume for Pele or whatever, $1.49 is a reasonable price. But they keep going up... $12... $20... $52... All the way up to $120.

Now, I don’t play these sports games - even as a devout hockey fan, I can’t stomach paying $60+ just to update the rosters every year. And besides that fact, it’s more fun to watch or actually play these sports. But why in the world would you need 120 cunting dollars in imaginary fun bucks for a game that already costs an egregious $80?


But the best part? I did mention those three different versions of the digital version of the game, yeah? Get this: I don’t know what the bloody difference is. The most expensive one is $110, but I have no idea what it adds. I imagine it’s some arbitary number of Blatter Bucks that you get at a “discount”, but neither the store description, nor the image of the game (which could easily have, “12,000 Corruption Scandal Coconuts Included” stamped on it) tells you what the difference is between the base game and the premium edition.

Now look, I know the games industry is full of Martin Shkreli types who want to “monetize” the “whales” for “retention of profit”, but come the fuck on. FIFA 16, really, is a bunch of fucking bullshit.


The fact that this level of greedy, corporate bullshit effectively buries a genuinely intriguing game like Soma, a game designed by real artists and by people who actually give a shit about gaming, a game that has received such little hype on PSN that I had to navigate through several menus to find it, that is a damned crime.

And I mean, I’d say, “Well, if you like soccer/futbol, go buy PES instead,” but they’ve cocked up just as bad, if not worse.


The gaming industry is in a really dark and disgusting place right now. I’d been wondering why I haven’t been buying many new games vs. the large number of “retro” games I buy each year (my recent muses have been Wii and GBA), but this shit right here, this is exactly one reason why.

Fuck EA, and fuck Konami. And fuck FIFA too, bunch of immoral pricks.

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