I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled How I Benefited From American Racismem/em

From the news I can tell that race relations have taken a hit in recent years over in the United States of America. Then again, the USA has always had a contentious reputation. But as terrible as it may be, there was one instance where it ended up working in my favor.

The last time I visited the USA was in 2012. Ever since then, they’ve actually stopped doing what I’m about to tell you. It’s also important to note that I’ve only ever visited Florida. Florida is my only frame of reference for the United States. The people I interacted with there were nice people overall. But even then, with a lot of them I got a weird feeling of fear. Like they were constantly on guard, but I don’t know why. Maybe the reason has something to do with what kept happening to me at the airport.


You see, back then after you check in your luggage and stand in line for the security checkpoint, there was a TSA agent just looking around. I’ve visited the USA almost 10 times and it was almost always me, my brother, and our parents. Every single time a TSA agent was there, we’d get called over and he would inform us that we’ve been “randomly” selected for some kind of enhanced security. We would breeze through this enhanced security and I’d walk away with a big smile on my face.

You may be asking yourself: “Why? You’re being discriminated against.” Right. But it also meant that I didn’t have to stand in that big ass line for a half hour. And when I say ‘big ass’ I mean that literally; goodness, what are they feeding you over there?

Look, I’m not a big fan of standing around. Sure it’s wrong, but it was still working in my favor. I would joke about it, saying: “Look at the plebs. Look at the, just so happen to be white, plebs standing in line, waiting their turn. I was kinda disappointed when we were leaving in 2012 and it got fazed out. But, you know, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few and all that.

From what I heard, they brought in some dutch contractor to streamline the process. They succeeded, I’ll admit. No more racist fastlane, but no big ass lines either. Just big asses, and not the good kind. I’m all about that booty, but there is such a thing as too much. The dutch like to do their racism a little differently.


Every time I arrive at Schiphol airport from back home, baggage claim is always, all the way in the back. That’s where the security and x-ray machine is. If you’re dutch, you’ll most likely grab your bag and walk right out. If you’re me, you’re asked to place your bag into that x-ray machine and they toss some questions your way for good measure. Not in a mean way, but with a smile they could ask: “So, are you a student?” The kind of question that, depending on the answer, can reveal more than you think.

But I get it, young male, in his 20’s, not white, coming in from… That place. I fit the description sort of speak. It’s basically the opposite of what the Americans were doing. If I fit the profile in the US: “Move along, sir.” If I fit the profile in the Netherlands: “So, you like having your time wasted?”

Papito Qinn is into the whole YouTube thing, is the winner of the 2016 SpookTAYcular Scary Story Contest, and a twitter incompetent. “Relax, fool. No one’s getting dunked on.”

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