I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!

You know what? I've been sitting here, trying to figure out what the hell to do, and, hey, this is TAY. While we focus mostly on gaming and nerdy stuff—and it's awesome—we can talk about just about everything. So. Hey. I'm going to. You might find it strange that I'm posting it here—you might think "hey, can't Doc talk to people in his life about this?" No. Right now, I'm more interested in talking to people who are familiar with me, but don't know me, if you know what I mean. Because I already have the advice of the people who know me.

Kotakuites, I could use your advice.

Where should I start? Years ago, I got sick. I almost died. I went to school. I got sicker. I had to drop out. I got treated. I got better, but it's still bad, and I've talked more about what that's like here. Unfortunately, that put me in debt. I went back to school, and got a degree in game design, but not before the department collapsed and I helped put it back together. Instructive, sure, but it didn't offer me a lot of time to develop skills necessary to get employed by anyone. So I'm transferring, for a four year degree with a double major in film and journalism.


My current job is at the school I just graduated from, and it ends this fall, since I've graduated. That means I have to find something new... and, to be honest, I'm having a really, really hard time doing it. Lately, I've been focusing on on-campus jobs, and I blew a good $50-60 to drive up to the school and back when I was asked to come for an interview... only to be told I wouldn't be getting the job. Today, I was told my bank was charging me $50 for some random fees—that, right there, is half of my biweekly paycheck.

Life has just... pretty much screwed me over, consistently, for the past ten years. I've been told how talented or skilled or good a worker I am. My teachers have all been impressed by me. Everyone tells me I'm all, like, good and capable and stuff; hell, people friend me on Steam, out of the blue, to tell me that I'm a good writer and they really enjoyed my stuff. Back in the day, I made it to the front page more than anyone else with Speakup. I think I'm a pretty good writer, considering the amount of love I've received for my stuff, which is nearly all written in one draft in between tasks at work or between classes.

...but if I were a good writer, I probably wouldn't be told by an editor at a big site "despite what the community says, we don't think you're good enough." I had one of my favorite freelance writers (the guy's been published in The New Yorker, ffs) help me write an article, which he felt was good enough to pitch to one of the best video game websites on the net, and the editor in chief there said he felt I needed more experience. Other sites have asked for articles from me, had me make changes to the article, which I've made, and then just gone totally silent.


And if I were good, really and truly good, I probably wouldn't have a bunch of people trying to, somewhat nicely, turn me down. Despite everything that teachers, friends, hell, even a couple professionals have said about me being a great writer, the truth is that I'm just not good enough to write professionally. So... I've looked for other avenues. I've applied for three jobs today alone, from mail sorting and customer service to librarian, stuff and I'm writing the letter for the fourth right now.

But I feel like I'm drowning. My victories just keep getting smaller and smaller, until the bad things outweigh the good so much that I find myself asking why fate has decided to keep me alive. I'm sick, I'm tired, and the only way I can have a future is if I can earn about $700 a month (yay living in the Midwest) to pay for food, rent, and groceries. I don't mind going further into debt for school, but I do mind, well, starving, and having a place to sleep, especially in the summer.



My shit's dire.

Really, really fucking dire.

I'm in poverty and nobody close to me has the resources to help, and I'm running out of options. I'm already looking into selling plasma. I'm already looking at the jobs most people would skim over as being too menial (washing dishes? delivering newspapers? yup).


Do you have any advice? Any job recommendations? My only limitations right now are that it needs to be part time and works with my health issues (mostly just avoiding toxic chemicals and spending more time sitting than anything else). And, of course, because this costs me nothing to ask, know of any video game websites interesting in hiring someone like me?

There was one bright spot tonight. A Kotaku lurker gifted me a copy of Mercenary Kings. Souls bought me Journey. You two are awesome, let me tell you. EDIT: Holy shit, Xavus.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter