I wrote this short post about Robin Williams for the website I write for, b-ten.com, for a memorial page of sorts. I wanted to share it with you at Kotaku TAY. It's about when I found out one of my favorite actors had died.
I was in GameStop when I heard.
I'd stopped in, as I usually do. My friend Larry was working behind the counter. There was a pretty big line.
"Hey guys," Larry said to my brother, my friend Nick, and me.
"What's up?", I return the greeting, shaking hands. Immediately, Larry says he needs to tell me something.
"I just ruined the whole line," he says, referring to the line of people.
Knowing Larry, I assume he's gonna lay some bad gaming news on me.
The line thins out, and empties. Larry walks over to me.
"So. What do you have to tell me?", I say, now that he's got some free time. "What's so important?"
Larry's body language is different, albeit very subtly. I have a faint feeling this might not be gaming related. Larry starts talking, somewhat hushed.
"Robin Williams is dead."
I maintain my calm exterior. Inside, my brain spins furiously. Thoughts- truths and denials and theories-ﬂit around, and I swear I can see them appearing before my eyes, ﬂoating.
-this is a stupid hoax-
"What?", I say, calmly. As I do so, I pull out my phone. Quickly, I am reading the news.
-still a hoax. Sick bastards-
I never know how to react to these things. I'll be honest: When a celebrity dies, I'm usually like, "oh." Then whatever. I go about my day. It's not like I knew them, right?
This is different.
Robin Williams was someone we all grew up with; if you were growing up in the 70's, you had Mork and Mindy, for example. If you were born in the mid 80's, like me, growing up in the 90's, you had movies like Hook, Mrs. Doubtﬁre, Jack...just to name a very select few.
I mean, the list goes on and on and on. Aladdin. Good Will Hunting. The Birdcage. Jumanji. All-all-classic performances by easily one of the greatest performers of our generation.
The thoughts continue to spin around my head like hummingbirds just out of reach. I'm at a loss.
-how could ROBIN WILLIAMS kill himself-
We always try to ﬁnd reason in tragedy; we, as human beings, need an answer. We need to know why.
But sometimes there is no answer.
And people like me, fans of the great Mr. Williams, are left here to wonder.
I wonder why he chose to kill himself.
I wonder who is going to ﬁll his colossal shoes.
I wonder about my own demons. I wonder if I'll be strong enough to deal with them as long as Williams did. Because the man seemed damn near invincible.
He wasn't invincible, unfortunately. He couldn't escape depression. But he's achieved immortality as far as I'm concerned. Robin Williams is one we'll never forget.
Rest in peace, sir. You gave us far more than we ever deserved.
Please, if you suffer from depression, PLEASE get help. 1-800-273-8255 is the Suicide Prevention Hotline in the U.S. Also, talk to family and friends. You're not alone.
This post originally appeared on b-ten.com, where Brian "WingZero351" White is the Entertainment Editor.