I wrote more than 60 posts these past two months. Most of them just weren’t for TAY.

As I announced before this event, I started an internship for Game Informer magazine in the middle of May. I’m still in that internship, and will be until August 16.

It’s been very fun. But it’s been very difficult, and very, very humbling. I feel like I mess something up at least three times a day, and honestly that’s not too far off. Just today, I got a critical piece of information wrong for a news piece by not watching a 16-second video (caught before published by my editor), I didn’t communicate with my other news editor leading to unnecessary confusion, and I pitched a feature that had already been written by Game Informer, something I could’ve found out if I’d done a quick search.

Other times I’ve messed up include: Making an unintentionally insensitive joke before an editor caught it, spoiling another editor on a game’s central plot twist, and writing a feature with myriad factual inaccuracies because, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, I gathered most of my information from Wikipedia.

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There have been times when I’ve beaten myself up about this, ranting to friends about how I’m making an ass of myself, and how I could end up blacklisted out of sheer incompetence.

But that’s not fair, and I don’t think that’s true.

I know I’ve done good work, and that work’s been acknowledged by my editors when it’s done well. Realistically, I likely get as many compliments as I do criticisms. My brain just likes to fixate on the latter rather than the former.

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In reality, everyone at Game Informer has been a great teacher, challenging me to do one thing better and go one step further than I think I’m capable of. Make no mistake, while the work at Game Informer is very fun, it is also very hard, and of course I’m going to make mistakes while I learn.

So let’s celebrate some of those accomplishments! Since SixTAY Days of Writing started, I’ve written 51 news articles and eight features for Game Informer, meaning I’ve written a total of 59 articles for them. Given that I write at least one article tomorrow, I’ll have the full 60 there!

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Add to that the 13 posts I hope to write for TAY, and a review of Spider-Man: Far From Home for my university paper, and that’s above 60! But the challenge wasn’t to make 60 posts anywhere; It was to make 60 posts for TAY. I never intended to make the full 60, but I intended to make 18, one for every weekend day. I hadn’t anticipated my job, Chipotle, taking every fiber of energy away from me, and even after a serious last-ditch attempt, I’ve had to accept that failure. My last article for SixTAY Days of Writing 2019 will be tomorrow, and it’ll just be the one. Streaming is fun but also takes energy, and my energy is running out.

This is the third year this 60-day writing challenge has existed, and the second it’s been more than just me participating. I’ve changed, and grown, a lot since I wrote my first article here when I was 16, and now that I’m days away from turning 19, I imagine I’ll continue to grow and change.

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As I’ve noted before here, I have ADHD, which is perhaps the biggest roadblock to my success as a writer. Writing simply takes longer for me than it does for others, and while I’ve taken strides to shorten that gap between myself and others, the divide between my efficiency as a writer compared to those in the professional environment I’ve been a part of is staggering, and a little terrifying. One of my biggest struggles and fears throughout my life has been how my brain could hold me down from accomplishing my dreams.

That fear and that struggle hasn’t entirely gone away. But I’m surrounded by supportive and loving friends and family who help me get through it, and my teachers, whether literal or as my editors from various publications, Game Informer included, have helped me grow and do more than I could’ve imagined.

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If I knew where I’d be now a year ago, I wouldn’t have believed I was capable of doing it. With this knowledge, I continue to walk forward, trusting that a year from now, I’ll continue to surprise myself.

One word at a time.