I'm really feeling it!

Pokémon. It’s twenty years old now, and there are over seven hundred of the things. For a kid’s series, there are a surprising number of the critters that would be right at home on a porn set. Who’s the dirtiest? We’ve got ten.

Gardevoir will not be appearing on this list, despite the sheer amount of pornographic fanart of her, because we contacted Gardevoir and this was her reaction to the very idea of walking onto a porn set:


We did not have the heart to break her further by telling her about the fanart. We’ve reached out to her brother Gallade, who says he will break the news to her gently.

Onto the list.

10. Machamp

Machamp, the champion of fisting porn. With four fists, Machamp is a fetishist’s dream.

9. Alakazam


The ultimate mustache ride has pulled on up. Also good for any mind control roleplay, as its ability to use Telekinesis will have your body moving independently of your mind.

8. Palpitoad


What Palpitoad lacks in looks, it makes up for in functionality. The bumps on its head can vibrate, so Palpy is everybody’s friend on set.

7. Magikarp


If you want your Magikarp to evolve you have three options. One is to tediously train it by switching out and having something else get the kill for it. Another is to mercilessly bludgeon opponent’s Pokémon with Magikarp and count it as a Tackle attack. The third is to tap into Margikarp’s latent rage by employing it as a fluffer - look at that mouth - until it can’t take anymore and evolves out of spite. Magikarp is the ultimate fluffer Pokémon.

6. Reshiram


Why hello there, Reshiram. Is that a tuft of fur or are you happy to see me?

5. Lickilicky


Lickilicky beats Lickitung because while both are masters of giving oral pleasure, Lickilicky has a stronger tongue and a pretty fab do as well.

4. Lopunny


Nothing will corner the furry market faster, and Lopunny will even draw in the discerning Playboy reader who is disappointed that the magazine will no longer feature nudity.

3. Voltorb


The Ben Wa balls of the Pokémon world, no porn set is complete without a couple of these guys lying around.

2. Snorunt


Snorunt pulls double duty. First, as an ice type, Snorunt is key for engaging in safe temperature play with its ability to use Hail to summon ice cubes. Doubly useful, its conical shape makes it eminently suitable to be a cold-temperature butt plug. The lack of flared base is not as much of a problem as one would suppose: at two feet long, Snorunt won’t go missing like Lemmiwinks.

1. Muk


Muk is kum backwards. Need I say more? A new Muk is born every shoot.

Thanks to Bulbapedia for the official art, zack_falcon for posting the Gardevoir fanart onto Kotaku, and snacktastic for telling me to make this list.

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