I'm really feeling it!

Last-Gen Zeroes: Sonic the Hedgehog 2006

Why? That is the only thing I can ask right now. Just...Why? Do I really need to explain why this game is bad? Do I really need to relive flashbacks of this game? Can we just pretend this game never happened and sit down an share a pizza or something? No?...I...OK...I'm just going to let you know that to keep my sanity through this, I'm pretty much reverting into full 5th-grade book report mode. Starting riiiiiight-

Why I Don't Like Sonic 06 by InvadingDuck

Sonic the Hedgehog is a game. People usually call it Sonic 06 because the name is the same as Sonic the Hedgehog the character and the other game and nobody wants to get those things confused. Sonic 06 was made to celebrate Sonic's 15th anniversary. Sonic Team is very bad at celebrations.


Sonic 06 is a game filled with glitches, bad levels, bad controls, bad camera, and long loading screens. The loading screens are really long and I didn't like that. Sometimes the loading is longer than the game before it loads again. They should have fixed that.

When you aren't loading or getting glitches, you get to play gameplay with three playable characters. As Sonic, you run really fast through levels. Usually you run so fast that you run into enemies, walls, and pits. Sometimes you jump into pits too because the controls for jumping are as bad as the controls for running fast. As Shadow, you fight with button-mashing combat and drive vehicles that make the MAKO seem like a Ferrari. I would like to drive a Ferrari instead. And as Silver, you use psychic powers to make enemies laugh at how bad you are at anything. You can also float but Silver gets tired quickly and then doesn't want to float anymore. Sometimes you'll jump to controlling a partner character, each with their own character-specific glitches and problems.


Sometimes, you'll get in a fight with a giant annoying enemy called a "boss." These bosses have huge life bars that can take long time to kill. This makes boss fights slow and Sonic isn't about slow he's about gotta go fast.


The graphics are weird. Some things look like cartoons and some things look like real. Dr. Eggman looks scary and I have bad dreams of him. The story is also weird. I don't know what is happening, but there is a girl and bad guys and time travel and demons I think. Not a lot of people liked the story. What does "bestiality" mean?


In conclusion, Sonic the Hegehog is a bad game. Since then, people don't like Sonic as much. Some people don't like Sonic 3-D games and think they are impossible to make well. I don't know about that, but I like the old 2-D Sonic games better. Thank you for reading my paper. I hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as-


OK, I'm back. Whew...that was a close one. Anyway, the point is this is a terrible game and you should never play it. Not even if you are flirting with the prospect of playing the game just to laugh at how bad it is. DON'T. It's a game that will change you. And not in a good way like reading a literary classic or watching a documentary. Trust me. Just leave this to the professionals.

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