Now hear this: I was patrolling an art museum the other day, rendering my expert opinion on the latest pieces on display, when I overhear some pleb complimenting the aesthetics of a vivid impressionist landscape of a 17th century sunrise. My finely-honed intellect pricks, and I approach the man and demand to know whether he can draw. He cannot. In fact, he has no artistic talent whatsoever! I push him to explain the reasoning behind his appraisal, and he simply tells the painting is “pretty.”

Pretty? Honestly!

I press him further, querying him as to the emotions captured by the rippled brushstrokes used to depict the water and the shadowed faces of the people in frame. The man is speechless. Typical fool. He thinks to offer a verdict on something he clearly knows nothing about. I’m about to school the poor cretin in the basics of art critique when he stammers out something that stops me cold.

“I just like it, is all.”

He likes it? What, does he think his enjoyment of art alone gives him the right to critique it? I almost double over in laughter. How can one speak on a subject they are not an expert in? What folly. To save the fool the embarrassment, I simply turn and walk away. He liked it! What lunacy!

Matt Sayer is a satirical art appraiser, for today at least. He’s also 50% gamer, 50% writer, 50% programmer, and 100% terrible at maths. You can read more of his articles over at Unwinnable as well as right here, friend him on Steam here or tweet him cat photos at @sezonguitar