I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled Manly Man Meals For Manly Men and Women: Cereal

One-hundred three, one-hundred four, one-hundred — Oh, hi there! I didn't see you come in. I was just in the middle of counting how many times I could've sunk the Titanic.

You know, in my day to day, it's not uncommon for me to go out and seek danger, then chainsaw people in half with it — people who don't deserve it. Yeah. I literally wield danger — that's what happens when you are bulging man-flesh. But I tend to make it as quick as possible.


I'm lying.

But, I digress. It's early morning in the McFist homestead and I feel in the mood for some delicious cereal. That's right, nothing fancy today — no dijon bacon or what have you. But why cereal, you may ask? Because cereal is a great way to get re-energized after spending most of the morning flexing at your neighbors while they are sleeping.

So today, I'm going to give you the recipe I use to make what seems the most unmanly breakfast as manly as possible.


  • Milk
  • Boulders
  • Cereal
  • Heroism


  • Go to your local grocer and acquire a box of cereal by any means necessary.
  • In order to gain the milk, treat the cow as a coconut and slam it into a boulder until it cracks open. Pro-tip: use the udder as a bowl.
  • Consume the cereal.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen — a manly way to prepare cereal! By making your cereal this way you earn Muscle Points, which can be cashed-in at your local participating GNC. Just bring proof of your cereal carnage and you will be rewarded with shocked, congratulatory cries of terror, as well as calls to PETA.


Now, I hope you don't mind, but I am going to continue my daily workout routine by counting how many times I could've set the Hindenburg ablaze with my pecs.

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