I always wanted to know what happened to trigger this in Bowser! It doesn’t seem pleasant
Screenshot: Nintendo

Everyone has tales of gaming greatness or glory, even if these digital feats don’t seem so exciting when you tell them to someone else. I wanted to touch on kind of the opposite sensation. Instead of talking about something amazing I did or a trophy I earned, I was inspired by Sir Hippo’s post last month about confessing his gaming sins; made me want to write something similar.

Some of these might not be all that unusual, and some might fall into the category of a “gaming sin”. I want to list a few things that I’ve never managed to do, in a few games that I’ve played a lot of. It’s more like gaming surprises than anything; I’m surprised that I haven’t done X thing. Depending on your preference, Never Have I Ever can be a drinking game, a stripping game, or just a great icebreaker. Mine falls somewhere in between.

Never Have I Ever: Fought and Defeated Giga Bowser On My Own in Melee

For how much Super Smash Bros. Melee I’ve played since 2001, there are still some things I’ve never managed to do in that game. I played a ton of single player, and I loved trying to collect all the trophies that I could with as many different characters as I could. I was always bad at triggering the Giga Bowser fight (it requires finishing Adventure Mode in 18 minutes or less at Normal or higher difficulty) and even if I did manage to make it happen, I don’t think I ever actually beat him. My GameCube memory cards are lost to history now but I’m pretty sure I don’t have the trophy that proves you managed to defeat him.

He appears in an event match alongside Mewtwo and Ganondorf, and I definitely didn’t beat that one. I’m pretty sure my old roommate managed to get through it as Ness or maybe Jigglypuff? All I know is, it wasn’t me.

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Never Have I Ever: Defeated More Than Two Bosses in a Mega Man Game

Mega Man was never one of those series that hooked me. I picked up 9 and 10 for the PS3 at some point, and I have 2 and X because they came with the NES and SNES Classic. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t grow up with the games or what, but for some reason or other I have a devil of a time making it through. I’m learning to appreciate what makes the series special, and maybe I’ll even pick up Mega Man 11 one of these days. But as it stands, it’s a series that’s out of my grasp.

Never Have I Ever: Played Through a Game on New Game Plus

Not because I haven’t tried! I went through much of Arkham City on New Game Plus, but I never finished it. It’s one of those features that I always appreciate when it exists, but hardly ever take advantage of. I love Bloodborne, but I heard that the DLC was outrageously difficult on NG+ so I decided to restart the game and tackle the DLC on the baseline difficulty instead. I’ve barely scratched the surface of The Witcher 3 and I sort of doubt I’ll ever get through the entire game once, let alone multiple times.

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Again, I’m glad that developers put NG+ features in, maybe because I like the potential of being able to experience a remixed version of my favorite games. I’m aware of my limits, though. No matter how much I love Hyper Light Drifter, I’m never going to be able to make it through with two hit points.

Never Have I Ever: Played any kind of MMORPG or Online Shooter Against Anyone Online

It doesn’t interest me. I’ve watched people play PUBG and Battlefield 1, I understand the appeal. I had an old coworker who really tried to get me to give World of Warcraft a try, and there was a column about FFXI Online that I used to follow pretty avidly in one of my gaming magazines. Overwatch looks awesome and I’ve almost sprung for it during one of the many times it’s gone below $30. But I know I don’t have the drive to get *that* good at those kind of games. The thing that makes them unique- form a squad! meet new friends! prove your dominance on a leaderboard!- holds precisely none of my interest.

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I feel sometimes like I’m missing out, but at the same time, not at all. It’s an odd sensation.

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Those are just a few. I guess that would only be four fingers down, four drinks drunk, four articles of clothing removed for anyone I was going up against. I’m sure I can do better.