I have some questions for Nintendo. One might say, I have some unanswered questions that I would like to direct to Nintendo. Alternatively, I have questions that Nintendo might be able to answer.
1. When did Yoshi go from being a dinosaur horse to being an anthropomorphic... Thing? He was cooler as a dinosaur horse.
2. Why do you release 17 Mario games a year? None of them are that interesting.
3. Why do you hate Metroid and F-Zero? They are two of my favourite Nintendo properties.
4. Why are Pokemon story campaigns so easy? At this point, the meta-game is so well-entrenched that I doubt anyone would complain if you make the games much more difficult... I'm not talking, like, Pokemon Showdown high ladder difficult, but I know every Pokemon game will have at least three Sailor trainers with 6 Magikarps 10 levels lower than my HM mule. Stop that shit.
5. What's the deal with your supply and demand problems? I get that you don't want Amiibos to become Beanie Babies, but this is a world where grown-ass men get into fistfights at Toys R Us over My Little Pony toys. You could at least try to understand the market... Methinks kicking out the "packaged goods" dinosaurs out of your business and recruiting people who understand the enthusiast market a little better will help this.
6. Why do games have the same problem? I understand toys, it's a different venture. But when you look at games like Mario Kart Wii, Wii Fit, Skyward Sword (the gold controller bundle), Majora's Mask 3D (the figure bundle) and others, you see a critical lack of supply versus the demand of the market. You see these items going for a massive mark-up while they're rare... And some of that money could be yours. The Wii U is hurting, but if you fire Iwata for any reason, it would be for letting money slip through his fingers for literally no reason.
7. Why does Metroid: Other M exist?
8. WHY CAN'T I BUY GBA AND SNES GAMES FOR MY 3DS FROM THE ESHOP?! THEY WORK. WE KNOW THEY DO. DO YOU HATE MY MONEY?
9. How did you convince me to pre-order a Majora 3DS?
10. Why are eShop cards so hard to find in Canada? I can stop into any Shoppers Drug Mart, gas station, grocery store, Target (lol) etc. and buy a PSN card... But after an hour of searching, I only found four $20 cards in stock at a Future Shop. Piss off with that.
11. Why are all your games so kiddie these days? Your best games - Metroid Prime, Majora's Mask, F-Zero X, Ocarina of Time, Fire Emblem 4, etc. - all deal with darker or more adult themes and subject matter. And they're amazing because of it. So why is your brand identity these days all glossy motifs of Mario, Kirby, Dankey Kang, et al? Diversity is a good thing. If some of your consumer base likes the Candyland Mario stuff, it's a guarantee some of your fan base likes the idea of a moon with a face on it crushing the world.
12. Back to Amiibos. Peach, Pikachu, Mario and Zelda are overcrowding store shelves. Marth, Mega Man and Little Mac are going for $100 on Amazon. Do you have chimps doing your market research????
13. Can you please buy Mega Man from the hacks at Capcom and make Mega Man Legends 3? :3 If you release it for Wii U, I'll buy a fucking Wii U.
14. Can you please buy Sanic from the hacks at Sega-Sammy? :3 If you start making 2D Sanic games that are more complex than "hold right to win", I'll buy a fucking Wii U.
15. Why don't you just release event Pokemon as DLC? It's free money, and I want to finish my Pokedex. Sorry I didn't see a Pokemon movie that only came out in Japan, but event Pokemon are a bunch of bullshit.
16. Why didn't you release Mother 3 over here? Unlike Earthbound, it's fantastic. Unlike Earthbound, its fanbase isn't pretentious and irritating. Do it. :D
17. I just saw a commercial for something called "Shake My Couch". It's a thing that you buy that shakes your couch. Why does this exist? I know you didn't make it, but I'm baffled.