I love cookies. You love cookies. We all love cookies, right? Well some people claim they like oreo cookies. That’s fine! That’s great. But let’s not delude ourselves. Oreo cookies are trash. We’re here for the frosting. If you want chocolate cookies, there are approximately 50000 tasty crunchy biscuits that do it better than an oreo cookie. Oreo cookies taste like they were discarded cow bones left over from the Jello smelt that were then boiled in liquified children’s nightmares. They’re a dry, mostly tasteless, garbage cookie.

I am not a huge oreo person in a grand sense, but if I must have them, then I have them double stuffed. Now I hear sooommmeee of you going, “but it messes with the ratio of cookie to filling!” to which I reply, “Good!” If I’m going to die of oreo related heart failure (ORHF for short) then at least I went out eating butter that has been artificially dyed white with an absurd amount of confectioner sugar. Not some blando chocolate flavored cardboard thing.

So why not eat frosting out of a can like a monster? Well first, what I do at 3am when everyone is sleeping is my own business. But second, those nasty cookies do serve a purpose - they provide texture.

Now, granted I eat oreos by separating the cookie, eating the middle, and then throwing the cookie away because, gross. Hypocrisy aside - if you eat an Oreo there should be enough frosting so that when you bit into it the sugary creaminess is the key ingredient with the cookie playing second fiddle to the affair providing some texture.

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Now I won’t go far as Mr. K (no no that’s too obvious let’s call him TylerX) and say that everyone who eats plain oreos is an “other” but I will say that you are in serious need of help. Professional cookie help.

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