It’s a fantastic time to be a Monster Hunter fan. Thanks to Monster Hunter World the series is more popular than ever, and that game is finally coming to PC in August! And if that weren’t enough, Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate is coming to the West in the same month! Needless to say, I am incredibly excited for both. In anticipation of the upcoming month of Monster Hunter, here is a definitive ranking for every weapon available in the most recent games. This is a 100% accurate, entirely unbiased list. Personal opinion was not a factor in the determination of these rankings.

14. Heavy Bowgun

Bowguns are bad and stupid. Nothing else needs to be said on the matter.

13. Light Bowgun

See above.

12. Bow

Slightly less bad and stupid than a bowgun, but a bow will still tank your defense right out of the gate. Not worth the vulnerability.

11. Sword and Shield

What the hell is this? That is a completely reasonable size for a weapon. It almost looks like a human person could feasibly swing it around! Get this filth out of my Monster Hunter game.

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10. Lance

We’re past the irredeemable weapons, but still stuck firmly in mediocrity. The bigass shield is a nice touch, but gingerly poking a stick at monsters does not provide the kind of satisfaction I’m looking for in these games. Next.

9. Gunlance

You’d think this one would combine the shitty elements of bowguns and lances and create something even worse, but gunlances are actually alright. Like a lance, but it explodes sometimes. Not a bad upgrade.

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8. Long Sword

I’m on the fence about this one. Excessive complexity is irritating, but blatant simplicity starts to stray into blandness. It’s satisfying to hack up monsters with this thing, but it doesn’t promote too much strategy.

7. Great Sword

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Same issues as the long sword, but this one gets points for sheer absurdity. The hilarious size and weight of these monstrosities is iconic for the series, but their abysmal speed detracts from their novelty.

6. Hammer

This weapon encourages you to get right up in a monster’s face, beating it with a blunt hunk of bone and metal until it literally sees stars. Not the most elegant weapon, but man does it make you feel like a badass.

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5. Switch Axe

Now we’re getting to the good shit. You like axes? You like swords? Here is an axe that is also a sword. The switching mechanic can be hard to get used to, but this weapon’s versatility and explosive power earn it a spot in the top five.

4. Dual Blades

This is the choice for someone who never wants to stop attacking. Like, ever. The dual blades are the fastest weapons in the game, and are capable of delivering a constant stream of punishment to whatever dares cross your path. They also allow you to enter a state called “demon mode.” Do you care what that does? Of course you don’t. All you need to know is that it’s called “demon mode.”

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3. Charge Blade

Take everything I said about the switch axe and dial it up to eleven. This weapon asks the poignant question: “is it possible to have too many explosions?” and then promptly answers that question with a resounding “no.”

2. Hunting Horn

This one isn’t my cup of tea, but it takes second place for how much I love it in the hands of my teammates. It’s a lot like Mercy in Overwatch. You don’t want to use this weapon, but you definitely want someone to.

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1. Insect Glaive

As I’ve said before, this weapon lets you fly. Why would you choose anything else?

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There you go, the unquestionable tier list for Monster Hunter weapons. Are you using a weapon that is bad and stupid? Or are you among the glorious ranks of the aerial entomophiles? There are really only two options here, choose wisely.