In case you forgot or still need any level of convincing, let me remind you that Zack “Kill ‘Em All and Let Me Sort ‘Em Out” Snyder, is in fact the worst.

On the one hand, I kind of hate to keep harping on this point, but, the Internet, it provides, and I can’t help myself.

A 2008 interview from Entertainment Weekly with Zack Snyder when he was promoting Watchmen, has been floating around again the past couple of days, and good lord, if he didn’t make me uncomfortable before I read this, (which he very much did), well now I just want to fucking vomit at the mention of him.

I’d never seen this before, and I’m sure this is old news for some of you, but I feel like if this happened in the 2016 Internet, it would have been everywhere. I’m just fucking stunned by this guy’s worldview, but also, not really surprised at all. Because of course he thinks this shit.

Here are some highlights. (Emphasis mine.)

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: First 300, now Watchmen — have you always been a comics fan?
ZACK SNYDER:
I came to comic books through my mother. I loved fantasy art — I love Frank Frazetta [the famed illustrator known for adult-oriented, sword-and-sorcery, and sci-fi imagery]. I went to boarding school. You weren’t allowed too many posters up, and everything I set up was slightly inappropriate. Frazetta’s naked girls, ripped up guys — the kids were like, ”What the hell?!” They had their Boy George posters up, I had crazy Frazetta. My mother saw I was into this comic called Heavy Metal magazine, so she got me a subscription. You could call it ”high-brow” comics, but to me, that comic book was just pretty sexy! I had a buddy who tried getting me into ”normal” comic books, but I was all like, ”No one is having sex or killing each other. This isn’t really doing it for me.” I was a little broken, that way. So when Watchmen came along, I was, ”This is more my scene.”

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NO ONE IS HAVING SEX OR KILLING EACH OTHER.

I can’t say those are the things that first drew me to comics, but hey, different strokes. I guess I’m old fashioned that way.

Momma Snyder, if you had just bought that kid Jeff Smith’s Bone, THINK OF HOW DIFFERENT THINGS WOULD BE.

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Some of these quotes are sort of interesting in hindsight when you consider how much the Comic-Movie landscape has changed, especially now that the Marvel Cinematic Universe is in full swing, and it’s crazy to see how far that stuff has come since its infancy.

But then you have stuff like this when discussing Watchmen and his, uh...analysis of it. (Emphasis mine.)

Well, one new point of difference is make them more grim and gritty, like Hancock or The Dark Knight, which seems to also work in Watchmen’s favor —
Everyone says that about [Christopher Nolan’s] Batman Begins. ”Batman’s dark.” I’m like, okay, ”No, Batman’s cool.” He gets to go to a Tibetan monastery and be trained by ninjas. Okay? I want to do that. But he doesn’t, like, get raped in prison. That could happen in my movie. If you want to talk about dark, that’s how that would go.

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“LIKE, NONE OF THIS PUSSY SHIT YOU KNOW, I WOULD MAKE IT REAL DARK AS FUCK, MAN. REAL ADULT SHIT. DARK AS THE DARK KNIGHT...OH SHIT!”

Honestly, it’s not even funny, it’s genuinely fucking disturbing and terrifying, and that I see so many comic book fans resonate with this kind of thought process, I’m just fucking angry and sad.

This sounds like some really hyper masculine Freshman Creative Writing Major shit. Some dude in the back of classroom, ready to BLOW THESE PUSSIES MINDS with how DARK he can get THIS MOTHER FUCKER. THAT PROF WON’T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM. IF YOU AREN’T OFFENDING PEOPLE YOU AREN’T DOING YOUR JOB, MAN.

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It’s just such a juvenile understanding of things like Watchmen or Batman or the concept of joy or fun.

But don’t worry, he knows he is smarter than any “fanboy.” He continues:

Nite-Owl is Batman. The guy has a fricking cave under his house! No doubt a fanboy will look at the movie and not get it.

”He looks just like Batman!” Precisely.

DAMN, SICK BURN.

(If anything, Nite-Owl is Ted Kord, but I digress.)

Some more fun (emphasis mine):

About the violence: You have a scene in your movie where Dr. Manhattan incinerates a bad guy — and your camera dotes of the bloody, chunky aftermath. That’s pretty intense for a superhero movie.
That’s Superman gone bad. If Superman grabbed your arm and pulled really hard, he’d pull your arm out of your socket. That’s the thing you don’t see in a Superman movie. But in Watchmen, what you get is, like, ”I’m a Superman, and I really want to help mankind — but I just tore this guy in half by accident. People call me a ‘superhero,’ but I don’t even know what that means. I just blew this guy to bits! That’s heroic?”

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Yeah, Superman! He is so strong! Pulling arms out of sockets and shit, that mother fucker!

I mean, that’s what most people closely associate with Superman, right? His aggressive and unfettered masculinity and the likelihood of arm socket removal on any given day in the life of Kal-El.

Just guessing, but I bet the R-Rated Director’s Cut, will have a scene where Superman rips someone in half is confused by all the giblets, and try to sell it as PATHOS.

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Recently, it was announced that Geoff Johns will be put in charge of the DC Movie verse, but who knows how that will turn out. I like his run on Booster Gold, so I remain cautiously optimistic. He’s definitely a fan-favorite, so he has that going for him.

DC has felt so reactionary lately in a lot of their decisions though, that I have trouble trusting any of what they do anymore.

But, man. Zack Snyder.

I can’t believe that ever happened at all.

Poey Gordon is a journalist, poet, and fiction writer living in the Bay Area.


Follow him on Twitter at ThePoey for more about comics, Gilligan’s Island 2K1 fan fiction, or decades old Simpson’s quotes.