I'm really feeling it!

Sim Earth: The Somewhat Disappointing Alt-Evolution Simulator

Remember SimEarth? This is what dos looked like in 1990 and I remember being really excited for this game along with Sim Life because it allowed for an alternative evolution where cockroaches, deer or even plants evolved to rule the earth in a way that is probably as superintelligent as we are. Imagine when you finally have your robot Ted Cruz or your cat Ted Cruz or your coniferous Ted Cruz? Is that evolution or de-evolution?


Now I WANTED this game but back in 1990 to 1992, I was a computerless college student, destined to use the computers in the computer lab to to write my papers like a jerk. I convinced one of my college friends to let me play it on his computer. When I finally explored it, I was disappointed. I don’t know. It was certainly clever but I think that the technology of the time did not match up to my dreams of being my own Dr. Moreau. It was too vague with not enough of a plot or character development and without a satisfying foray into coniferous psychology and how that differs from my own human psychology. Things like that. Also fashion. What would cockroaches wear and how would that be different and distinctive from frog fashion? This is what I wanted. I wanted it to be like a cross between Freud’s Totem and Taboo and Architecture Digest but for very advanced mollusks.

Now they never updated it in any satisfying way. I mean, they made Spore, which was fun, but it wasn’t satisfying in the way that I wanted it to be. The animals weren’t even real. They were just weirdo mutants that spent a lot of time dancing.

I want a game where I can really play with an alt-timeline. Where I can raise a line of supercats. Where this cat isn’t raised just to senior pest controller but can become president.


So let me ask, Oh Balkers and Talk Among Yourselfers, where can I create an alternative world? And don’t tell me Second Life—between the weird cybersexing and the weird flying around, I can’t deal.

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