I'm really feeling it!

SnackTAYku One Shot: Taco Bell Five Buck Box

Hey all, Crisco here. After hearing about the Taco Bell "win a PS4 promotion," I decided I needed to obtain 2 of these boxes and attempt at winning a ps4. SPOILER ALERT: I lost both times. As a consolation (punishment), I at least got lots of Taco Bell food to try out. Rather than being a smart, rational human being, I decided to eat the food contained therein. This would prove to be a grave error.


Let's start with what is contained in this box. In the first box, I got one hard taco, a "burrito" that appears to be a hard taco glued to a tortilla (I think it was the "double decker" that I have seen advertised, but the wrapper said burrito...), and a "burrito" that...I.....we will get back to that thing later. In the other box, I got another hard taco, another "burrito" thing that I refuse to describe until later, and and a crunch wrap. Now, shall we dig in?

Let's start with the most inoffensive item in the boxes. The hard tacos are basically just taco meat, cheese, and lettuce. The "hard" shell is kinda crumbly and instantly softens rendering it a flacid taco at best (I had to!). These were nothing special, but they were okay. Chances are, you have had these at least once, so I will not bother posting pics of them.

Next, we have the double decker "burrito thingy" that looks like a hard taco got genetically spliced with a soft taco by a stoner who has no respect for the natural order of things (DAMNIT BILL AND TED, DO NOT TREAD IN GOD'S DOMAIN).


Upon first biting into this thing, a strange taste becomes instantly apparent. Taco meat? check. lettuce and cheese and whatnot? Check. Big mac sauce? Chec.....wait, wha? Yes, this thing, which will now be referred to the big-mac-ito contains big mac sauce (or something damn close to it). It actually meshes with the other flavors fairly well and tastes perhpas best of everything in the boxes.


The only problem is that you are eating a big mac....and a taco....at the same time. I will let that sink in...





The crunch wrap, or the "pinwheel of artery dismemberment" as I came to lovingly call it, is basically a soft taco made giant. Not much to say about it. It just kinda exists and looks neat. It is like a giant ninja throwing star filled with hot Taco Bell mud. I think that may make it deadlier than an actual throwing star :/












i had the (dis)pleasure of eating a bean burrito and a burrito supreme. Before even putting this thing to my lips, I felt the texture of it, which instantly put the fear of God in me. It feels like holding a giant tortilla filled with ketchup. Nothing contained within felt solid. That is a bad thing and a sign of things to come people...

Inside both burritos was an indiscernible brown goop. Describing the taste is kinda a moot point since it had no real taste. It faintly tasted of beans, bitterness, and sadness. Mostly sadness though. I have eaten some pretty cheap junk over the years, but this was the first thing in months to make me make this face:


Deeper inside the mud contained in this burrito is a temporary reprieve in the form of a milky white substance. This too had no taste. At first, I though it may have been sour cream, but it was a bit too off color for it to be that. As I was eating it, there was really only one thing that immediately came to my mind as to what it looked like. I will just let your mind go to various places and let the terror sink in...yeah. So, to sum up the burritos in a few words: BURN IT WITH FIRE.


Thus concludes the eating the food portion of my experience. Within 5 minutes, the "indigestion and wishing for death" phase occurred. But that story is best left untold.

So, that sums up my experience. Without those burritos, I would give the total package a 4-5 of 10. Nothing special, but not the worst experience either (especially by fast food standards). With those burritos, my rating is reduced to "I would prefer to be buried alive with an alligator in the Sahara than ever endure that again." As a result, I have decided that a free PS4 is not worth it. THE COST IS TOO DAMN HIGH!


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