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Some of My Favorite, Weird, and Best Yakuza Kiwami Substories

After dozens of street brawls, several leisurely pursuits and in game minigames, and more than few odd jobs, I finally wrapped up my playthrough of Yakuza Kiwami. Though I haven’t finished every substory or side quest in the game, I wanted to highlight a few of my favorite misadventures:

Crisis on the Crapper

Located by the Children’s Park, Kiryu encounters a man with a bit of a dilemma at a stall. He requests you to bring him some toilet paper or an equivalent. In my playthough, I happened to be carrying some Pocket Tissues at the time; an item I originally believed had no in-game purpose.

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What could have become a dull fetch quest turns into comedy gold as the man asks for more following a second and third “wave.”

Always remember to carry some tissue paper!

In Pursuit of Pleasure

Kiryu encounters a man harassing a woman and intervenes. What starts as a simple fight becomes more complicated as a large man intervenes and pins the street punk down. It turns out the street punk and the woman are a couple and both Kiryu and the large man were mistaken! Oops.

At this point, I would have expected the sidequest to end, but the large man and Kiryu strike up a conversation about his amazing takedown. He introduces himself as Shinohara, a former Judo champion. What follows is a sightseeing tour as the two hit the town for a bite, hit up a club, and fight each other in an underground ring.

Just another day in Kamurocho for Kiryu, but a fun little side story for me that took several random turns.

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KAMUROCHO’S BAD ASS DADS!

Here’s a sidequest that’s mostly dialogue and a few multi-answer questions that turned into one my favorite random side stories.

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Located in Purgatory (West Park), this somewhat hidden mission starts with Kiryu finding a reporter conducting interviews for “Bad-Ass Dads” (BAD boys for short). She identifies Kiryu as possible “BAD-boy” material and asks to interview him.

What starts out as a simple interview (which have several possible hilarious answers) becomes a contest between men as The Florist and Detective Date also join in to see who among them is the most Bad-Ass Dad.

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I actually failed this quest the first time around (yep, I totally crashed a funeral, but had no choice), but booted back to an earlier save to try again with different answers. But the funniest part about this sidequest is the “best” answer is usually the one you least suspect.

Yep, this is the “correct” answer!
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Under Suspicion

One of the earlier sidestories that popped up and introduced me to Yakuza’s flavor of humor. Kiryu meets a suspicious man who asks him to retrieve a bag from a woman using a secret phrase:

“You’re are very sexy.”

He gives you a location and asks that you not peek at the contents of the bag. Unfortunately, there is more than one woman at the meeting spot. At that point, I just tried the code for each one. There is also an extra condition that you must offer 1000 yen to get the bag from the correct messenger, but at that point, I was just interested in seeing the reaction, particularly Kiryu.

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Once you do get the bag, you have the option to peek. I ended up not peeking, but either way, the bag is filled with...

Oh boy......
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Man Scout

Screenshot: YouTube
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Another dialogue heavy sidestory with multi-choice questions, this one was so random I just had to save this one for last. After pleading with Kiryu who initially walked away upon hearing the job, he asks to hear more. To start this quest, you need to pay up 10,000 yen and do an interview. I coughed up the money and begun my weird side gig.

As always, there is more than one answer; all of which showcase Kiryu’s ability to be the straight man and also give off an intense and burning passion at almost every activity.

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“I have a manly and beautiful physique.”

Unfortunately, your answers don’t really matter this time around. Following the interview, Kiryu finds out from his contact that the bar went under, so he refunds you your money. A bit anticlimactic to an otherwise excellent sidestory, but they gotta withhold something for the sequels.

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All Footage/Screenshots taken from YouTube.

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