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Static - Melee EVOluation

Illustration for article titled Static - Melee EVOluationem/em

...on age 2… Dragon Age 2… Dragon Age 2.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting a remaster according to a leak and people are already gearing up for a Deja Vu experience. What a fiddlesticking waste of time that was. Those map packs they decided to resell? We got those for free on PC back in the day. They were added in via patch. And loot boxes for good measure? Activision got some big testicles on’em for pulling that stunt. The whole thing was a ploy to get people to buy Infinite Warfare. I figured people would buy it, toss infinite warfare aside, and pop in Modern Warfare. But at the end of the day, I don’t know which one was the bigger piece of excrement.


What’s with all these people looking at Modern Warfare 2 through rose colored glasses, anyway? It was a camping noob tuber’s wet dream. Nobody remembers teleportation AKA Commando pro? One man army? Danger Close? Waste of time land? Everyone forgot about all that? I still played it, it was still fun. But it was fun despite all that, not because.

So Overwatch got a new character and some of the people who dislike it are holding the voice actress responsible. This is a phenomena that I have a difficult time understanding. People went after Kelly Marie Tran for the character of Rose Tico in The Last Jedi. People went after the dude who played Jar Jar Binks so bad, he nearly offed himself. It’s not like they wrote the characters or anything. They just did what they were paid to do.


I have a question about these stories coming out about people calling the cops for random nonsense. I think this question can apply to a multitude of things we’re seeing in society today. Is this really a new thing, or has this always been going on and we’re only now hearing about them because of social media and cell phone cameras?

EVO dropped their lineup, and I couldn’t have been more wrong in my predictions. Dead or Alive didn’t make it in for obvious “core value” reasons. But I gotta say, this is devastating. I’m left with 1 game that I know I’ll enjoy. Tekken 7. Some of you may know that Tekken, Mortal Kombat X, and Smash Melee were my favorites. These are just my personal opinions and tastes, and I’m speaking from the perspective of a spectator, not a player. Anime fighters bore me, so Blazblue, UNIST, and Dragon Ball are all out for me. Street Fighter is the only series EVO respects, but Street Fighter 5? Also, boring. I kind of enjoy Soul Calibur, so I’ll at least watch the top 8. Samurai Showdown isn’t out yet, so I don’t know. Same goes for MK11. I’ve seen some of it. I’ll probably enjoy it, but they removed the run mechanic. I like that they split the energy bars up, but they refill over time now, and I don’t know about that.


The big news is that Smash Melee, a game that consistently brought +1000 people in, was dropped. They even played a little eulogy video for it. The reaction was not pretty. Fans were pissed. Others were smug, and some were outright hostile. I don’t know if you’d consider this Karma or not, but that Salem guy got dropped by his team a day later.

I see people saying that one smash game is enough. But the reason smash melee was there is because Smash 4 and Ultimate are completely different games. I tried to get into them both, but I can’t. Speaking from the perspective of a spectator, they’re just too slow. This is not the DMV, let’s move it along. I also hear people say that smash is a party game, and has no place being played competitively. If you have a point, then I’m still waiting to hear it. So what? It still worked, and people enjoyed playing it and watching it. I’m pretty sure Tetris wasn’t built to be played competitively either, but here we are. But like some have pointed out, Melee’s life doesn’t hinge on EVO. It was a big exposure boost, but at this point EVO would need Melee more than Melee would need EVO. Still I wouldn’t mind replacing UNIST with this.


I’m sorry I couldn’t get this out by the regularly scheduled Sunday. But I had a plumbing issue in my apartment. The pipes were clogged and my bathroom got flooded. I eventually had to call for help. But my toilet was really pissing the repair guy off. Pun very much intended. I really thought my toilet was gonna break him. This guy was beside himself, talking to himself, wishing cancer upon my toilet, and I think he even spat on it in disgust. I mean, I hate this toilet too. But this guy was about to salt the Earth.

Sunday Jeff… Sunday Jeff… Sunda...

Papito Qinn is into the whole YouTube thing, is the winner of the 2016 SpookTAYcular Scary Story Contest, and atwitter incompetent. “I wish I could afford a new toilet.”

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