I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!
Illustration for article titled Static - Rewarding Failureem/em

...enisis 6… Genisis 6… Genisis 6.

Disney CEO Bob Iger said that they’ve never been very good at publishing games. Is that so? You’re kinda fiddlesticking over people like Warren Spector, who made the Epic Micky games. I played the ATV Racing game, Pure, back in the day and loved it. It reminded me Sled Storm, except no rabbits to run over. But even if that were true, why in the fiddlestick would you buy and then shutdown LucasArts? A company that was good at publishing?


Ol’ Bobby here wasn’t done though. He went on to lose his mind and say absurd things like: “We have a good relationship with EA.” I wasn’t aware your master rewarded failure, EA. You’ve had the Star Wars deal for 6 years now? You have nothing but failure to show for it. The second Battlefront was about to fiddle up so bad, the law had to get involved.

Maybe Respawn entertainment can get something going with Star Wars: Fallen Order. And maybe the success of Apex Legends can convince EA to stay out of the way. Apex Legends is the new Battle Royale game on the block, and it won’t be the last. It’s still a new genre, it’s gonna take some time to reach equilibrium. I’ve never played a battle royal game myself. Not due to any principle mind you. I just never did. I think I just lean more towards single player games.

Activision is planning to layoff a significant amount of their stable, this coming Tuesday. This comes after news that chief financial officer, Daddy Dennis Durkin, will receive a $15 million bonus along with the position of CFO. But as we all know: “Pimpin’ ain’t easy.” Bottom Bitch, Blizzard Entertainment was told to cut costs. Sugar Daddy, Call of Duty remains unaffected.

What ever happened to cheat codes? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you’re too young, you might not know that many games used to have secret cheat codes built into them. You punch in a code or something and you get stuff like god mode, unlimited resources, and the fan favorite big head mode. But they don’t do that anymore. Except they do. It’s just that some clever fiddlesticker came along and realized that they could sell you the cheats as microtransactions.


I keep hearing about more and more people quitting the YuGiOH trading card game. I don’t know what the fiddlestick happened to the anime. But then again, I don’t know what the fiddlestick happened to the card game either. I used to play casually back in the day, we’re talking 2002 - 2003. I never got to play it competitively and I never had enough money to buy too many booster packs. They were so expensive, yet so popular, a cotton industry of bootleg cards popped up.

But fiddlesticks did Konami screw it all up. The banned list used to be a few things here and there, some limited and semi-limited cards and whatnot. Now it looks like they might as well ban the whole game. Change of Heart, Monster Reborn, Pot of Greed; cards that existed to net-help any deck, are forbidden? No, when I play it’s traditional rules all the way. Yata-Garasu had to go, I understand, but Heavy Storm? Come on. Furthermore, Syncro, pendulum, tuner? What the fiddlestick is all this? I’ve been out of the loop but, my goodness. We don’t use any of those either. At most, maybe we’ll allow union monsters. But that’s it.


They ban Premature Burial but allow this fiddlestick? Kozmo Dark Destroyer. “If this card is Normal or Special Summoned: You can target 1 monster on the field; destroy it. Cannot be targeted by an opponent’s card effects. If this card is destroyed by battle or card effect and sent to the Graveyard: You can banish this card from your Graveyard; Special Summon 1 Level 7 or lower “Kozmo” monster from your Deck.” That sounds crazy.

I’ve been trying to figure out a unique call-to-action for my YouTube videos. I’m not gonna tell anybody to “smash” to “hit” or to “pound” anything. You don’t have to physically abuse the subscribe button in any way. You can just very calmly click on the subscribe button and on the bell icon, if you so wish. Talk to me in the comment section if you wish to discuss anything I mentioned. See that? Simple. No need to be all agro, loud and abrasive. “SO SMASH THAT SUBSCRIBE BUTT-” Fuck you.


Evo Japan… Evo Japan… Evo Ja...

Papito Qinn is into the whole YouTube thing, is the winner of the 2016 SpookTAYcular Scary Story Contest, and a twitter incompetent. “I really hope I can get this new project going by the start of next year.”

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