Last month, Nintendo unveiled the “Nintendo Switch” to the world. Some people called it, some people loved it, some people hated it. I know this is late in internet time, but we won’t know full deets til January so I’mma give my thoughts.


Look at this slick fucker, making the internet care

Remember when the “big leak” happened? Where we all went, “Holy shit, it actually IS the hybrid we want!! Fry meme, Fry meme, Fry meme!!” (because, like me, anyone reading shouts which hilarious picture they would reply with at the screen.)

That leak also had a prediction/idea of the guts of the system, saying they heard it used Nvidia’s Tegra X1 processor, but had a protruding fan so maybe it was the secret X2. At the time, the story was third-hand before we even found out on our preferred GameNewz® site, so most took it with a grain of salt. That didn’t stop us from imagining though, so sites let us know that the X1 could be on par with 360/PS3, and X2 the XB1/PS4.


Really missed an oppurtunity to call it Yin and the base Yang

Now, stuffing my PS3 into a comfy tablet/WiiU® GamePad© has frequently been a fantasy of mine (but with more lube, obviously) and certainly is nothing to sneeze at. That’s actually bad for electronics, so don’t sneeze on them. I also realise that, for some people- who live upper-middle-class lives of basic comfort, it “doesn’t matter” if the NS can’t go toe-to-toe with the basline current-gen. (Diss strictly aimed at Kirk)


But (I hope you brought a beard or need a shave because things are about to get edgy) I politely disagree.

Again, it really would be dope as raw heroin if my PS3 was deliciously portable- a la Hot Pockets- there’s no denying that. But that’s mostly because I have some great games it took me a really long time to get and I would love to play them on the shitter (we’re grownups, don’t pretend that’s not the best feature). Simultaneously, it would be great to have a tablet-with-controls powerful enough to run that gorgeous Breath of the Wild- but only because of the book reading/video watching/web-surfing/other features that come with a tablet.

Might need to grab that lube again...


Actually buying a “current-gen” console with “last-gen” specs, however? Well, just ask my Wii. Ew. Uhhh... Console. Nintendo Wii console. Whatever, the point is you can’t. I wasn’t wasting money on a PS2 that used jerk-off motions to make Mario win.

I expect to finally be able to join the current-gen next year, and I don’t wanna buy a portable 360 with more Mario and less eveything else, especially since my first console will be my *only* console for quite a while.

We don’t actually know how strong it is. The only thing we know for sure is the Switch has a custom Tegra X1, and a graphical solution that is “equivalent to GTX”, and there’s a pretty significant difference between a GTX 960 and a GTX 1080ti. So this console is on a scale between PS3 and PS4 and we won’t know anything concrete until January.


Obviously, I will decide if this is my first current-gen system or a future novelty side device by then.

Move over, Calculords! There’s a new king on the Porcelain Throne!

I can tell you what I WOULD buy, though. I would buy a system that’s as weak to the XB1 as XBOX is to PS4. I would buy a system that will get Red Dead and Fallout and Skyrim RE and Mass Effect and Deus Ex, and Batman PLUS Mario, Link, DK, Splatoon, and Kirby. I would buy a system that has all the games I love and a robust app store. Portable Netflix, Chrome, and Kindle/Comixology? SIGN ME UP.


Honestly, even if it just is the Nintendo wiiPad, I probably would want it- as I don’t have one of them there fancy tablet computers. But the point is that’s not a console. The NS has a chance to be utterly revolutionary and offer the greatest sytem ever made. I’m just afraid they’ll release a walled garden, proprietary tablet that lacks the games of Microsoft/Sony and the apps of Apple/Google instead of truly being the best of both.

I hope I’m wrong. I hope the mid-gen upgrades are proof that prices lowered enough that the dream is possible.

Either way, we won’t know for a couple months, and I’m still cautiously optimistic.