I'm really feeling it!

Tabletop TuesTAY: Grog Mandino: Prime Amazon

Grog Mandino is a half-orc self-help guru. He almost has several degrees from various adventuring schools around the world, but is not a licensed therapist. He says his advice comes from "the streets, and also the sidewalks" of life, not from hard-to-read textbooks. He is the author of several books, most recently, "Say Yes To It (It Am Life)," which New York Times book reviewer Michiko Kakutani called "a book"... "that has"... "words in it." His advice has only ever gotten three people killed (excluding adventuring party members).

This week letter come from nice lady:

Hey Grog. My best friend's a dude, and I let him use my Amazon Prime account and he lets me use his Netflix account. But I forgot he was using it and left a bunch of lingerie in my shopping cart and he got freaked out. How do I smooth it over?


First of all, let Grog say he happy that Amazon community so organize. Use to be Amazon live in few village deep in jungle, no come out except maybe hunt or whatever. No can communicate with other Amazon tribe, Grog hear all time from Amazon he find on travels. Isolationism, Grog say, am primary obstacle to real progress in modern world. Happy to hear that am some sort of membership, with what sound like ranking. Grog have no idea what it take become Prime Amazon as oppose to regular Amazon, but probably many physical challenge like Double Dare except maybe with spike on long stick. So Grog say congratulation become Prime Amazon. Am sure have membership fee, probably go toward communication network so Amazon tribe exchange idea about how best kill enemy, what exercise build most muscle, where get underpant fit Amazon.

So here Grog question you: why you let some dude use Prime Amazon membership? You work hard, probably kill many enemy earn membership. Also, he am man, it am kind of against whole idea of Amazon society let man even pretend be Amazon, much less Prime Amazon. It ok have man friend, but Grog have many wary conversation with Amazon women. Grog know they not be happy with you.

Grog spend some time think about it, though. Think maybe am get it, you modern Amazon, maybe Grog old fashion. Grog not police you relationship to own society. Grog apologize. That part not Grog business. Just seem like common sense in moment.

Work with assumption you continue let man use Prime Amazon account, Grog say you no have to apologize. What he think, you try make he wiener dance? Grog snap finger in he face, say get over self. Let say Grog go someone house ask use one bowl. They say sometime put personal thing in bowl, but come over any time and borrow if want. Grog no can get upset if they put vibrator in bowl, or underpant, or they throw up in bowl. It they own business. Grog not like, Grog use different bowl. Am many bowl in world.


You am really want smooth over, say it never happen again, sorry friend can no handle fact you get fancy underpant. Think am easy find fancy underpant for Amazon? That why so many Amazon still no wear underpant, just have loincloth or whatever, live in warm environment so hoo-ha not get cold. Maybe explain difficult underpant situation him, see if he understand. If not, use he Netflix account, get bent out of shape that he watch so many Rob Schneider movie. It am more offensive than fancy underpant, to Grog eye.

Grog Mandino is a half-orc self-help guru. He can be found on his site Say Yes To It (It Am Life) or on Facebook. You can send him your questions there, or email him atgrogmandino@gmail.com.

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