Hello Ladies and gentleman, today I’m going to show you how to profit from Magic, while still being a complete n00b.

Step 1: Have you friend say you must win because 1st place in the FNM standard gets free entry in to the Oath of the Gatewatch Prerelease. Gotta set up pressure to succeed beforehand to tempt fate after all

Step 2: Proceed to lose your first game to an Esper Dragons Control prick. Its important to completely blow it early and establish your loserdom as soon as possible so the universe can implement its contingency plan

Step 3: Play against aforementioned friend, who actually just wants to play EDH and therefore gives you the win and drops (while still kicking your ass 2-0)

Step 4: Win 1 game just to prove you aren’t completely hopeless

Step 5: Be given the last game by default because your opponent drops

Step 6: Be in third place in the final standings

Step 7: have 1st place leaving before prerelease, and 2nd place be an employee of the game shop and working so he can’t accept it

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Step 8: Recieve the 1st place prize of a free prerelease entry for being in 3rd place

Step 9: Open up almost $40 worth of cards from your prerelease packs, go 0-2 and drop because its 2am in the morning and Fuck. This. Shit.

Step 10: Profit a ridiculous amount considering you only won 1 fucking game the entire god damn night.

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And that folks is all there is to it, simple no? Share your strategies of losing to win down below, or as always feel free to be a rebel and freestyle your topics.