I'm really feeling it!
I'm really feeling it!

Thankful Thursday - Week 3

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for - John Augustus Shedd.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for - John Augustus Shedd.
Screenshot: Future

Oops, I kinda missed last week. So let’s be extra thankful this week for all the good things in our lives, no matter how big or small! Welcome to Thankful Thursday, where I invite you to join me in practicing active gratitude - it does wonders for one’s state of mind.

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Things have been rather hectic lately - I have been laid off indefinitely from my work as an aviation maintenance engineer due to the ongoing pandemic affecting worldwide air travel, and there is no telling when I might go back to work. As you can imagine, this is challenging in a variety of different ways, and I’m not going to pretend I haven’t taken strain.

These past few months have been some of the most difficult times I have ever had, mentally, physically and emotionally. The funny thing is, I think in a way this experience has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Being stuck at home, and being forced to spend time with myself has allowed me to take stock of things in my life.

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If my mind were a closet, there are a few skeletons that have taken up residence way at the back of it over the years. Some of them I don’t even know are there until they start rattling their chains.

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Most of those skeletons I put there myself, maybe you can think of some you invited in as well, and this opportunity to sit down with them and figure out what they are doing there has proven both extremely testing, and also (so far) very positive. A few of them have even packed up and left, for good I hope.

Being under a lot of stress is not good, but stress can be positive. It’s amazing how much stress we can cause for ourselves just by thinking. Overthinking is something I am very good at, as is not thinking at all sometimes. One of my biggest problems, I have found, (I’m sure many of you can relate) is that I am cruelly intolerant of my own mistakes.

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There are things I have been beating myself up about for years, things that don’t even matter anymore. I keep thinking things like, “If only I had said or done this or that, this person would still be in my life.” or “I should have just gritted my teeth and pushed through the homesickness instead of returning to South Africa.” The last one is probably a justifiable regret, but there is no sense holding on to that.

If you know me personally, I don’t think anyone here does, you will know I am a very forgiving and easygoing person as a friend. People have done awful things to me, but I have never been one to hold a grudge. Except when it comes to myself, oh boy. I’ll make a tiny mistake and kick my own butt about it for weeks, when nobody else really noticed or cared that much.

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How ridiculous is that? I have to live with myself, not anyone else, so why am I so much nicer to others than I am to myself? How very selfish is it to think that I am so perfect that I am not allowed to make mistakes?

Sure, it’s natural to feel bad about something if you screw up, but it happens!

On that note, here is what I am thankful for this week:

Obvious: Again, I have to mention my family and friends here. Without their support, I likely wouldn’t be sitting here typing this. I have been a bit of a mess lately, but with their help and understanding I am getting better.

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Bigger Picture: Summer is coming! Hopefully, the heat will also cause a certain virus to subside a bit, and some kind of sanity will prevail with that.

Smaller Picture: There is a local diner that makes delicious burgers, and they have a lockdown special that can’t be beaten. I had a really nice lunch today, treated by my friend. Thanks broseph, I know you aren’t going to read this, but you’re an amazing friend that I am lucky to have.

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Over to you, TAY. What are you Thankful for this Thursday? 

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