OK, I think I’ve missed a couple weeks in a row now, I need to remind myself to write these somehow.
Last time, I wrote about how I tend to be pretty hard on myself for making the slightest mistake sometimes. It’s something I’m still struggling with, but as they say, Rome was not built in a day.
Making mistakes is part of life, after all. But today, I made a mistake. It’s one thing doing something wrong, but sometimes inaction or acting too late can be even more damaging - and I’ve spent most of today feeling pretty bad about something I didn’t do.
I’m not getting into specifics, but I observed something a couple of months back and was about to speak up about it but decided against it because I didn’t know the full situation. It’s been weighing on my conscience, so I spoke up about it today and holy crap did it blow up in my face - had I spoken up even a month ago, I may have been able to substantiate and provide evidence for what I observed, but I didn’t really think about that until after I spoke up. I ended up upsetting someone I care about quite badly, because what I told them was kind of hard to believe, and the implications seem to be a bit more worrying than I had initially thought.
Unsubstantiable claims are fertile soil for breeding mistrust if there ever was, they do believe me, it’s frustrating for them that I have no proof. They also say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and while my intentions were good, the truth may never come to light because I left it so late. So, rather than a case of better late than never, this time, it’s too little, too late, I fear.
I do have something to be grateful for - it seems nobody is in any immediate danger, for one, and secondly, a big fat slice of humble pie is good for the soul. Next time I have any doubts, I will rather speak up than remain silent. That’s the main takeaway from me, even if this person I am talking about may never really trust me or believe my story, I really am not the kind of person to make things up to upset people and they will at least be a little more vigilant, I think.
Perhaps the truth will come out, and I will be vindicated, but for me the important thing is I spoke up and I am willing to endure the mistrust and disbelief so long as the people I care about are a little more safe.
So, aside from all that, here is what I am thankful for this week:
Obvious: I had a bit of a health scare recently, and it turns out it wasn’t really anything to worry about . Phew.
Bigger Picture: Lockdown restrictions have been relaxed here in South Africa, and life is a little bit more normal. People seem to still be making sure to social distance and are pretty good about masks and things, so hopefully they won’t have to bump them back up again.
Smaller Picture: My cat, he’s great. He’s a huge comfort to me, especially when I feel like nobody else can or should love me, his companionship always makes me feel so much better.
That’s it from me. What are you grateful for, TAY?